


Kotor AU

by Shimruto



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Emotions, KotOR AU, Soulmates, star wars and homin seemed compatible at first, this fic hurts me emotionally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 20:55:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15251868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shimruto/pseuds/Shimruto
Summary: Changmin was mysteriously transferred to Star Wars Kotor AU. Everything was cool but Yunho stayed behind./fixing my initial mistake - this fic is mostly about feelings and soulmates. the star wars universe adds the possibility to separate them but on the whole if you are ready for some angst, please be my guest/





	1. The man walks into the bar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [UTT](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=UTT).



> The chapters are connected but the timeline may jump (just as my muse)

H’wihub sensed the shift in the atmosphere at the bar again. He did not have to look up to know what the cause was. H’wihub worked as a barman for so many years here at the Under City that he stopped counting. Being a person who would see everything drunk/sad/crazy customers would do and say made him to really know (or rather feel) the nature of the character in front of him at a first glance.

Here at Nar Shaddaa – the planet of all races existing together – it was a very convenient power to have especially at the Under city where all criminals, smugglers, gangs and refugees with no money and no aim to follow tried to survive by using all methods known in the Universe. The Under city was the best place to hide in with millions of nameless and forgotten races but also the perfect place to find information and cheap resources – and that was definitely the latter what that young man was seeking for.

The young man was new here but any other would not tell this until you were around for long as H’wihub was as his blending abilities were superb. He was very tall for a man and moved very swiftly wearing the outfit of a random space pilot in a search of extra money. He started coming here a week ago – silently sitting in a corner with a bottle of alcohol and pretending to stare in the void. He seemed like an easy target to rob while spacing out like this and those little beggars who noticed him yesterday decided to get some extra cash this evening…

“The idiots”. H’wihub thought.  If he was correct, and he always was, those beggars were going to need extra teeth and bones if they approached him with that intent. He didn't know how he knew. But there was something in that man’s big eyes. Something he couldn't quite grasp – something that made his heart ache without the reason when the young man locked his eyes with him while ordering his usual bottle.

Those beggar idiots were surrounding the young man after discussing their moves. The meek nature of the man started radiating power adding up to his annoyance. He tried to ignore them clearly not wanting to be noticed rather than getting into the fight but those idiots still could not see their coming to a hospital visit.

“Hey scum! Your money now – or you die!”… that was the only thing they said that evening. In the next moment the young man pushed one of them to the wall squeezing the idiot’s throat and in a flash taking out the gun to the other’s idiots head.

“I usually let thickheads like you go unharmed but today was a really bad day and I am so happy I can beat my frustration with your kind help” his whole aura stopped everyone from interfering and after a short silence everybody was back to their business knowing better when they saw who would win in the end.

The idiots still struggled for air and a possible turn-around but the man had enough of their bullshit attempts. “I mean it when I say it but if you move again I will break every bone in your body and slowly skin you alive so your death will be my lullaby tonight! And I didn’t sleep properly for a long time already – so please be my sweet company on this shit anniversary”

The life-saving instincts finally pushed milligrams of brains to their heads  and the beggars nodded in agreement to run as fast as they could after their release.

The man sighed looking at their disappearing asses and came to the bar stand again for a refill.

“You actually did not mean that” said H’wihub following his raised interest in that man. He knew he should not intrude but the man was too unusual and unforgettable even for an oldie as him.

“How are you so sure?”

“The brown jacket with stars on it” H’wihub pointed to the young man “and a unique silver bracelet on your hand…” H’wihub could swear he could see the man’s ears getting red even in that dim light. “I heard some rumors about a handsome stranger who helped a lot of refugees with the vaccine here and the description matches you.”

The young man got red completely. “It matches a lot of men at this overpopulated place”

“… Yes… of course – as you say” He poured a glass of grog for the younger.

“I didn’t order this”

“This is on the house”

“Really? I almost started a fight here”  the man smirked.

“Well almost does not count and you have an anniversary to celebrate from what I got”

The man’s smirk disappeared from his face as soon as H’wihub uttered these words and was replaced by the pure agonizing pain that was able to kill you just watching at it from afar.

“I am sorry” H’wihub muttered.

“NO… it’s not your fault. It’s just…” the man fell silent.

“You know you can tell me anything. I can see you are ready to leave this place so this conversation will not hurt”

The young man smiled a little “How do you know I am about to leave?”

“Well… you came here obviously for information to find something - from the way you made everybody think you are drunk enough not to care about your presence - but it seems you tried and failed as you were not interested in people this evening”

“You are good at reading people” the man said.

“That’s what I see in your eyes”

“What else is there?”

“Longing… loneliness… and sadness” H’wihub again felt that strange ache in his heart. “What were you searching for?”

The young man’s eyes seemed to look into the galaxies he did not know exist. “Home”

“Was it destroyed by the imperial troops just as Taris?”

“No… It was stolen from me… more like I was stolen from him.”

“Him? You said HOME before not a PERSON”

The young man smiled warmly “It’s the same thing.” He dropped the shot after turning it around in his fingers. “I spent 3 years already searching for a path back. It led me through a lot of planets - Tatooine, Kashyyk, Korriban and many more names I do not remember any more. It brought me here and the result is the same – I have to go further.” The young man sighed “With time I became accustomed to the failures but today is our anniversary so I got too deep in the memories”

“Maybe it is time to let those memories go if they hurt you so much?” H’wihub said gently. But he could tell from the flick of the young man’s head and sudden sparkle in his eyes that it was an impossible thing for him.

“I will only let go if my last flame stops guiding me in the darkness… and this will not happen in any of these worlds or realities”

And never H’wihub felt surer that this was the truest thing he had heard in this forgotten and forsaken place of lost hope.

 


	2. The eyes of the sky

Changmin felt a jolt and opened his eyes. The starship jumped back from the hyperspace and was preparing for landing on Manaan. Changmin stood up from his seat and went to the giant window to stretch his limbs.

Manaan was an aquatic planet with amazing tints of blue which reminded him of Earth and its oceans. On this water planet his target was to refill his suppliers of kolto – a very unique healing medicine – and taking into consideration his next destination it was better to prepare for dealing with any unpredictable outcome.

The landing would take about 30 minutes and everyone was busy with collecting their bags. The space passengers never bothered to look out of their windows – it was such a routine picture for them – and even for Changmin it was becoming the same except… every time he looked outside and saw the stars he heard the voice in his head.

“Such a clear night, Changminah, look at the stars! I heard they are called the eyes of the sky. Do you think the universe is watching us during moments like this wishing to take our place just as we dream of being there too?”

Changmin smiled – he had usually tried to get some reason to his hyung. But now he would just agree, sit near him and try to see the beauty of Yunho’s imagination forgetting that he had years of space travel in his bag and knew about the universe more than all scientists combined.  Hell… he would sell all his belongings, all his knowledge, all his memories of this travel for a glimpse of Yunho.

From the moment he was mysteriously transported here the ache in his heart did not stop for a moment. He went through all possible emotional stages – being completely at awe with the technology and diversity of the worlds which made his inner geek to jump in excitement. But the whole universal appeal died when he understood that there was no Earth in these millions of galaxies and no known way to reach Yunho.

He went into aggressive mode which helped somehow to adapt to this reality quicker than he had ever imagined. He passionately searched the famous places on the tips of going back or the reason he ended up here but everything was in vain. He struggled to stay on the path of sanity when all known methods had been used and he felt trapped.

The people were afraid of getting into space vacuum and suffocate there but what about the vacuum in your heart? Changmin felt how his heart was squashed by the absence of his air. The moment when he tried to accept that he would not see Yunho ever again felt like thousands of needles pinning him down to the floor and the mocking hand with the bluntest knife trying to carve the half of his soul. He felt the hole starting to form and the size of this universe was childish compared to it. But the souls were an inextricable creation which could not be cut, destroyed, killed or disappear and the torture was endless. 

With time he started to trigger the pain himself drowning in memories of Yunho and him together. He was in burning need to feel his touch and feel his skin – a need to drink his presence like mad. He was beating the walls and breaking the things at the fleeting memory of Yunho’s sweet whisper. But with days and then weeks it changed – Changmin just wanted to take one look at him even if from afar. He wanted to see Yunho’s calm face and kind eyes – to see his fierce inner force and double prove that he was wrong when he said that hyung’s passion was worth of thousands of suns because all small and giant stars of all galaxies could not compare to Yunho in that matter.

Changmin knew he did not tell him so many things… how his days were brighter with Yunho’s laugh. How his fatigue disappeared with his hug. How he felt content and safe sitting with him side by side. How their silence was speaking more than words. How Yunho’s eyes reflected all he felt himself. How they connected when they sang together becoming a more unique existence than being ONE. How a simple touch on his back or leg during stressful schedule made him serene. How he enjoyed sharing living space with Yunho and seeing his sleepy face first thing in the morning. How a simple kiss of sunlight on Yunho inspired him to write lyrics. How his innocent view of things saved Changmin from getting stale. How the conversations with Yunho were nourishing him and how their views collided – each with prominent colour only to blend in the perfect tone in the end.  How he felt proud watching Yunho achieve his dreams one after another. How he wanted to stay his partner and support forever…

The words could not express to the fullest how Changmin felt but he knew that Yunho would understand his feelings through the bond they shared… but for this to happen Changmin had to find his way back. Back to his home. Back to Yunho to match and mend the torn parts of their merged souls and to restore their undying flame.

One day Changmin stopped swimming in all possible emotions – he had a goal now and nothing could stop him. No matter how many dead ends, fake tips, useless artifacts, distant planets, countless years it would take he would never feel like giving up and see anything he had done as useless. He had a goal and what Changmin did as best as Yunho was to reach it with his determination and belief that in any year, in any universe, in any reality, in any past and future lives they would find a path to each other.

The captain announced the landing complete and the passengers started to push all their valuable belongings to the exit. Changmin’s eyes dropped to the reflection of the silver bracelet on his hand and smiling he went to the gates without any other luggage.


	3. It might have felt like...

_“Put him here”_

Changmin felt that someone was talking about him. All his body was heavy – he couldn’t shake a finger.

_“I said here – in the separate cell! I don’t want him to be helped by the others”_

Changmin heard a thump. Considering the immediate pain in his back it was he who made that sound.

_“Don’t forget to put the barrier up! I don’t want him to destroy any more droids. He does not have any credits on him and I will have to take a loan again to buy the new ones!”_

His heart was hurting and spinning.

_“Unless your master wants to help me with it... I provided this base for him just because I greatly respect the empirial…”_

Changmin heard the choking sounds nearby.

_“You are alive right now because we do not have time for finding other pathetic smugglers to take ove your pathetic place. So I suggest you shut your mouth and do your job.”_

If any words were meant as the answer to this sentence he could not decipher them. But it seemed the other person agreed and was struggling with sharp breath intakes to recover his senses.

_“Yes… of… course… as you… wish…”_

Changmin decided it was a good idea to stay still rather than to try to interfere.

_“Search this guy again if you need credits. Look – he has some kind of jewelry on his hand. A bracelet? A strange form – maybe it was stolen from some royal shit and is expensive enough to buy you your droids.”_

‘ok this is where it ends for you, idiots! only try to touch this…’ But his mind started to slip again.

_“Such an awesome sedative hahaha… let’s see how much this little chain would cost…”_

Changmin’s mind went blank.

 

*

 

His body was still hot and not reacting.

_“Run this test on him”_

Always sleepy and failing to find a path to consciousness.

_“He is strange”_

_“We have a problem”_

_“Test his blood one more time”_

_“This is impossible”_

_“We have to tell the master! He is unique”_

Changmin regretted coming to Telos already before landing. The weather was awful and he had to find a suitable place for his spaceship not to be destroyed by it and not to be found while he was scouting.

It was really a bad sign.

The whole planet was a bad sign.

In the past Telos had a very strong base of the Jedi order. Many of them worked hard to support the peace in this part of the Galaxy but the Empire found the ways to block the essential supplier space routes and the Siths came just in time to destroy the most important administrative and military locations. The Jedi were annihilated and the small amount that survived went into hiding. The Siths harried the temples and the sacred places of the Jedi order with desire to destroy the most precious and valuable artifacts but Changmin knew that not everything made of Light could be found and destroyed by the apprentices of Darkness. He found the hologram containing the tracks of an ancient Force artifact in the libraries of Dantooine and flew here in hope to find next clues.

He honestly had to be more careful. He knew that some Siths still stayed here in search of easy blood and trophies obtained by random successful treasure-hunters but Changmin hoped that they would be in the mostly populated South and not this forgotten North.  

‘hoped… there is no hope in the world of Siths’

After leaving the ship covered by the thick forest from the view he moved to the mountain following the map. Along the way he quickly picked up the traces of other presence there and considered retreating back to rescan the premises from the console. But on his way to the ship he encountered a village with the natives trying to get rid of the soldier droids. The villagers were desperately trying to protect the young boys and girls whom the droids chained and lined up for further transportation.

Using the moment of surprise Changmin was almost done with recycling all that metallic crap and was in process of breaking all the chains on the youngers until a Sith and his apprentice appeared and knocked everyone out by the Force shock wave.

Changmin got into a lot of shit situations but a Sith was the epitome of BIGGEST SHIT in his record for now. The escape would be difficult – impossible if he did not wake up.

_“Is that him?”_

_“Yes, master! His data is outstanding…”_

_“Excellent. Try a new reforming program on him. I want him ready by the end of this week”_

*

 

Changmin went through a door… and then another… and another… until he found himself in a small room. There was only one exit. One door. He should just pass through it. Just open it and… only it did not feel right. Changmin felt like that would be the last door for him – the end for all.

He stood still. Something started slightly pushing him to the door – like a tingling feeling nudging him towards the possible release.  It was enswathing him with the temptation of an easy choice. To give up this tedious control. To forget about the constant pressure. To let that power take care of him and his future. To let him finally rest.

Changmin felt the years of stress, tiring search and failures steadily pinning him to the ground. The alternative that power was offering seemed to be the best choice.

But the best choice was not always the right one. He and Yunho tattooed this revelation on their hearts. With sweat, blood and tears they forged their backbone and never forgot that to keep true to your chosen path was their work for the rest of their lives. With every year it did not magically become easier – it never would be easy.

So now was not the time to change their code of conduct.

The moment when Changmin’s determination to stay true to himself reached an immense level there was an extremely sudden change in the power around him. The soothing and calming breeze was replaced by the cold and ravaging smolder that sent chills down his spine. His body was bound and hanged in the air. His hands and legs were chained by invisible ropes pulling him in all directions with the force that was nearly breaking his joints. The smolder around him was lashing right and left and was crushing on him in an attempt to break his will – only he was not going to submit.

After long hours (or days) passed the smolder was building all its power up for the last annihilating attack and Changmin was not sure he would be able to survive it.

When the minacious smolder was about to charge at him he saw a tiny little spark emerging in front of him. He wanted to shout for it to fly away and hide. He was desperate to keep it safe though he did not know the reason. The spark was softly floating around him and after gently touching his forehead rushed to the approaching smolder.

The clash was overwhelming. The smolder was thrown away the moment it came in contact with the spark. It felt like the whole space was shocked by the strength of Changmin’s unforeseeable protector. The chains on him gave way and he landed on the ground with the spark immediately setting a light circle around him. Changmin was standing in the centre watching the desperate and sinister attempts of the smolder to break to him. Like an injured beast it was trying to approach Changmin only to be burnt alive by the light around him.

 It was a truly heinous sight but Changmin somehow knew that as long as this spark was with him he would not be hurt.

 

 

_“Do you wish death? Why is he not ready?_

_“Master, please… there is a problem…”_

_“What problem? You reformed so many minds before and everything has been alright. Usually they already follow orders on the second day! And you can’t break him for a week?”_

_“There is that thing… it is easy to reform and reprogram the mind by changing some memories – for example turning the good ones into nightmares or changing people around the subject into the projections we need for them to cooperate easily on missions and never question the orders. But to do that you have to access the subject’s subconscious and we… could not do that”_

_“All this time you were not able to even start the first_ _stage of reprogramming?_ _”_

_“Umm… no… we believe… this person… he seems… to have a Constant…”_

_“_ _A C_ _onstant? What is this_ _nonsense?”_

_“The Constant is usually the code we implant to the subject to control his mind. It is basically the protected combination of our desirable natural reactions for him like a mother code in a computer. With this the subject is kept away from changing the control back on his own. The Constant is also a unique firewall that does not allow anyone without our authorization key to access or restart the subject so only we may upload the updates for his behavior. It is a code that basically gives us power to control them and always hold them obedient to us in any situation. But this subject seems… to have his own Constant.”_

_“How is it possible? Did he steal our code?”_

_“No! It is just… he has one thing that resembles the Constant code… tying his conscious and subconscious  together on its own”_

_“Then extract this thing!”_

_“This is… the main problem. It is not a device – it seems to be a memory of a person…”_

_“A person? You mean that his subconscious is hard to break because one person is bound and merged with almost all his memories, will and spirit?”_

_“This bond is extreme – we have never encountered anything like this. Our program can’t reform him with our technology… well it can… but it will take hundreds of years to reshape and change his every memory… so…”_

_“So it is better to delete it completely!”_

_“Delete? But we can’t do that! Our computers are…”_

_“Complete shit… That is why you will not be able to win over our Sith’s power even with your tech tricks”_

Changmin felt how the person speaking approached him and the temperature suddenly dropped to minus. He felt dark power clawing at him from all directions.

_“I will wipe this Constant from his mind and make a perfect obedient soldier out of him myself!”_

_*_

Changmin felt a gust of wind and opened his eyes.

He found himself in some room with the bare walls being cuffed to the chair with the electric straps on his hands and legs.

  “You are awake. Finally”

Changmin finally saw the face of the Sith lord. He seemed to be of a Zabrak race with their distinct array of small horns on the top of the head.

Changmin almost laughed. ‘such an awesome moment of envy for all geeks from Star Wars Episode I convention – too bad that light saber does not consist of batteries and plastic’

“Why bother to wait for me to wake up?”

“Oh…  a rebellious one”

“Just logical... Why to wait for my opportunity to kill you?” Changmin really felt that shutting up at this moment was the sanest option but his tongue felt so numb after the days of silence that he just had to let it out.

“You know it is impossible… I can see it in your head – how you are trying to think about a way out… But there is no escape from here.” The Sith put his robe on the desk and came closer to him. “Besides you are interesting. We could not match your race actually. Very close to those weaklings – the People – but still different.” He tightened the straps and Changmin felt a slight tickling of electricity on his skin. “I feel pride and stubbornness in you combined with a pathetic generous heart. The ones like you are the sweetest to break” The Sith’s lips curved into the disgusting smirk.

“Well you are very welcome to try” answered Changmin. “Can’t see what you will gain from it”

“Oh… I will gain a perfect soldier. Look at you! So strong and intelligent with the quickest reaction – I saw how you eliminated those stupid droid troops single handedly. Just imagine what you are going to become under my full control! A perfect cold-hearted killer!”

“Didn’t your people fail in that task earlier?”

“So you still had enough strength of mind to hear us… Magnificent! But the things they did to you were just the whispers of the wind. There seems to be a problem with… one thing but I am going to exterminate it”

“How?” Changmin really had to come up with the plan how he was going to get free from this one now. The times he had been caught before were not easy but he had dealt with stupid bounty hunters or just other races with the desire for material things. Here, with the Sith, everything was different – it was about his sanity and the actual Force that was able to change elements and influence minds. As much as he wanted to break free he really could not think of any plan that would lead to even half success.

“Easy!” The Zabrak Sith was savouring every word of the impending torture. “I will enter your subconscious and collect all your memories and feelings… one by one… slicing and storing them in one place of your mind… where I will set them to fire and wipe out everything forever… leaving a blank page for me to take over.”

The Sith’s hands jerked up and Changmin was blinded by a wave of agonizing shock stealing his breath. His head was burning. He knew that he screamed but the sound was very distant.

It felt like a hand drill ripping him open and slowly moving further and further. He tried to stop it at first but the agony was so intense that he felt numb. This aggressive intrusion in his mind was leaving the internal bleeding in his soul. The bright painful flashes turned to color images of his past knocking him down by the intensity of the scene changes. He felt nauseous from the voices clashing with each other trying to make him go mad. But the most horrid part began when these memories started to turn black and white followed by the mortifying dissipation into the void.

Everything was becoming black and he was retreating deeper and deeper into his mind trying to find a spot to catch a break.

Minutes turned into hours, which turned into days, which turned into weeks or maybe more.

The time stretched and decreased.

Nothing from before seemed real anymore.

Nothing from before seemed to have names anymore.

Nothing from before seemed familiar anymore.

_‘We are so happy to finally return to you as complete TVXQ. We will continue to work hard.’_

It might have felt like happiness – but Changmin was not sure anymore.

_‘Hyung, I passed police exam and don’t even start with your stupid reasoning about time for myself’_

_‘I will not, Changminah’_

It might have felt like a hug – but Changmin was not sure anymore.

_‘Hyung! What the hell! I WANT TO MAKE HIM MINE – what were you thinking?’_

‘ _You’_

It might have felt like a tear – but Changmin was not sure anymore.

_‘Changminah! You are wearing it! I am so happy you liked it!’_

_‘Well all these leeches outside should finally know their place…’_

It might have felt like a pleasant weight of something on his hand – but Changmin was not sure anymore.

_‘Hyung, stop eating ice cream when you are ill!’_

_‘Come on, Minah!’_

It might have felt like a tickle – but Changmin was not sure anymore.

_‘We would be alright – we have each other and that is enough. I believe in us as two. We will overcome this together’_

It might have felt like a breaking point – but Changmin was not sure anymore.

_‘I am your leader and you are my only maknae.’_

_‘Yes – but also your best friend! Keep that in mind and stop overworking yourself so much! I want to support you too’_

It might have felt like a first confrontation – but Changmin was not sure anymore.

All names and figures were slipping away just as sand through his fingers.

_‘He was poisoned’_

His mind was trying to grasp this conversation.

_‘Will Yunho-hyung wake up?’_

Who is Yunho?

_‘He will! He has to!’_

Who is this talking?

_‘Changmin, let’s go home’_

Who is Changmin?

_‘No… I will stay here for a little more… I can’t leave him alone’_

why is this so important... he… he is changmin… right… and yunho... Yunho?... no…. hyung?...yes…  no?… Yunho-ah?… this is important… he… and… him… important… this… poison… first time… he almost lost him… who?... Him… keep going… him… who?... yunho… Yunho… YUNHO… he almost… lost Yunho then… that time… before…  it was all just ordinary life and stage… until he saw it…. almost death… and emptiness that would come with this… pain… and complete devastation… a hand slipping from his grasp… and he couldn’t do anything… just watch… and pray… and hold that boy’s hand… and by holding it… try to hold himself together… he swore after that to protect… he swore to return… he swore to remember and cherish the most important things… even the simple things… and now he is again slipping away… who?... him… HIM… YUHNO….NO!!! NOT AGAIN!! NOT EVER!!

Changmin felt that the fire building around him all this time gravitated towards him – expanding and rechanneling itself to outer directions on his command.

It was an explosion.

But he was in the center and safe.

He opened his eyes and saw the Sith on the ground screaming and grasping his head – his fingers almost scratching the skin to blood mess.

“IT IS NOT POSSIBLE! HOW DID YOU DO THAT? YOU ARE NOT A JEDI! YOU ARE NOBODY!”

“I am Changmin, you dark scum! Don’t even try to get into my head again!”

“I will break you!” The Sith was breathing heavily “You are dead!”

The Sith stretched his hand and the light saber flew into his hand immediately showing the dangerous red color that matched the blood-thirsty eyes of the Zabrak.

Changmin had to think quick – think now…

At this moment the whole room was rocked by the earth tremor. There were shouts everywhere and the smoke began to fill the air. The Sith ran for the door only to be thrown back by the Force. Several Jedi came into the room.

They quickly engaged into the fight while Changmin was trying to break free from the straps. The tremor loosed the holders and after applying some force he was able to shake it free.

He was still feeling faint after the days in the cell and his legs gave in for a moment. One of the Jedi ran up to him and started to heal his weakness with the Force. The others almost cornered the Sith but he managed to trigger the back door and they dashed pursuing him into the tunnel.

The Jedi called for the troops to help Changmin.

“Do you know where the others are?”

“The others?”

“Yes. The village chief contacted us and asked for help. The Sith started to kidnap the young men and women to experiment on them and brainwash them for future military operations. He said that they took all their children somewhere here.”

“Sorry… they kept me unconscious all the time. There were… some kind of cells and they asked to keep me in a separate one – so it means the cells were all in one place… Should be lower levels – it was very cold... That is all I know.”

“That is more than enough. This troop will help you to get to the safety. We will meet there.” With these words the Jedi ran into the backdoor to help the others.

‘I don’t need safety… And we will not meet’ thought Changmin.

“Ok! Please follow us.” The troop surrounded him.

“Do you have a spare weapon?” asked Changmin.

“Yes. Here… Hey wait! Where are you going? We have to go now – this place was set up on the self-destruct mode by some smuggler when we arrived. It will explode in 20 minutes.”

“Thanks for the information… and for the weapon but I need to take something back. Where is this smuggler now?”

“We don’t know – he managed to escape” shrugged the soldier.

“That narrows it down” smirked Changmin going out of the room.

“Hey! You really have to go with us!”  

But Changmin did not turn back.

 

*

 

A person was trying to start the engine of the spaceship but the control console did not react to his commands.

“Shit shit shit!!!!! I have to fly away now or these fucking Jedi will…”

“My dear friend! Thank you for taking care of my ship!”

The smuggler did not have even a second to react when he was hit by the electric wave from Changmin’s gun. His body got still after jerking a little and Changmin came in to drag him outside. He threw him rather mercilessly in the bushes and searched his pockets.

Changmin was right guessing that this sleezy bastard had found his spaceship after his capture and would run to it when the danger called. He hated the man right now but at the same time was happy to see him. He retrieved his silver bracelet from the man’s jacket and finally breathed in deeply.

‘Now it is time to get away from this place’

 

*

 

“Master Jedi!” the troops were standing around the caught outlaws.

“Have you secured all hostages?”

“Yes! They are in the med  block right now… well almost all of them…”

“Except that young man?” smiled the Jedi.

“Um… Yes… How did you know?”

“I could feel it…” he got silent for a moment.

“What?” asked one of the soldiers.

“Hmmm… I felt a lot of anger and pain in the Sith after mentioning this man briefly. Seems he left quite an impression on him and that means… he has a remarkable character and strong will to survive for so long in that cell… He could have been of great help to us…”

“Should I send the troops to find him, Master Jedi?”

“No… He has… a different path. His only… His goal is very vivid – I could feel it even from mere seconds of talking to him. It would lead him further…” The Jedi looked up. “The other light guides him…” He saw a white path in the sky left by the starship preparing for a hyperspace jump. “And his efforts may be rewarded much earlier than he thinks…”


	4. Are you sure? (part 1)

“I tell you, Terluc, I don’t trust him”

“No one cares about what you think, Don Don”

A group of bounty hunters was walking through the forest of Felucia. It was a colorful humid jungle planet that seemed to absorb all bright colors of the universe in itself. The trees – or more precise gigantic mushroom plants – were covering the view above the heads and created a rainbow illumination of the light from the sky.

Felucia was an average farming planet that only would interest you for a healing herb that was harvested in the small villages scattered around the place. The native reptilian species were very amicable and survived with the help of growing that herb in quantities that supported the near planets and gave them enough in return to lead a simple life.

But where there was a possibility of loot - there was always greed for easy money.

One of the villages was attacked by the group of the pirates who stole all the valuable crops and left with the promise to return in one month to take more. The head of the village sent a cry for help to the bounty hunters to protect what was left from that foray and finally after two weeks one of them agreed to help.

Kol-Alo, the leader of the group, gathered his gang and they were about to head off to the planet when he received a call that resulted in a new addition to their routine mission. All members of the gang were surprised as their leader was a very secretive and stealthy person and to bring a newbie on a mission without any background and skill check was out of the ordinary. The gang members were also rather pricky to anyone who was a potential threat to their hierarchy in the crew. They wanted to protest but Kol-Alo said that his friend was far from a newbie and that he alone was worth the whole gang in action so shut up and stop questioning his decisions! Most of the gang followed the advice but young Don Don never heard of the word “enough”.

“Terluc, just listen! That chimp did not join us on the base. Why? Because he decided to either go to the pirates and sell us or just dumped us”

“Can’t you trust our leader? He said he would come later”

“But later is already over”

“Stop this whiny shit already, will ya?”

“Argh… I won’t trust him even if he comes! If he shows up I will watch him and make sure he does not try to steal what is ours”

“Nothing is ours until we finish the mission, dumbass”

“TAKE THAT BACK! I am not stupid! I am…”

_“Careful”_

The duo made a jolt and turned around pointing their guns in the direction of the voice only to be overthrown to the ground. Their guns in the hands of a tall stranger. Smirking so much that his eyes went mismatched.

“Shim!”

“Kol-Alo”

The leader of the gang hurried to the tall man to slap his big hand on the other’s back in the welcoming gesture that actually made the other almost lose his balance.

“Really… Your strength should be sealed”

“Hahaha I am glad you made it on time”

“I could not miss the opportunity to return the favour. Especially if it is that honorable”

“Shim… Always overthinking the morals… Just who made you that whitey-righty?”

The tall man blushed a bit and scratched his forehead in silence. Something silver on his hand glistened in the light. Terluc frowned trying to place the fleeting memory of something familiar… 

“Wait a moment… Shim? Worth a whole gang? A silver bracelet? You are that guy! The Silver Ghost!”

“WHAT?” Shouted Don Don almost falling back on his ass again.

“The Silver Ghost! The guy who saved the Lower town on Onderon and discovered the healing herb on Dantooine and fought off the whole spaceship squad near Iris IV and freed the children on Telos and…”

“Yeah, yeah that is him – so stop already, exited child” laughed Kol-Alo noticing how Shim was shaking and fidgeting from all the attention. “Seems like you’ve got some fans here too”

“I don’t have fans…”

“Surely you do! Especially that one! Don Don, wasn’t it you who only yesterday bawled the worship songs and proclaimed his love for the Mighty Silver Ghost?”

“NO!!! I.. I… NO… I mean…” If only Don Don could disappear he would totally use this chance at that moment “I… still… do not… trust him!”

 “Don Don, stop this nonsense already!” Terluc jabbed him in the stomach.

“Well – he is actually quite right. Never trust anyone or anything until you see or feel it yourself” softly smiled Changmin.

“This is what Kol-Alo teaches us as soon as we join the gang” said Don Don.

“You still remember my lessons, Shim?”

“Of course. And always follow them. I am glad that I finally got the opportunity to pay you back for saving me that time”

“SAVING YOU!?” the chorus of the young members was so high pitched  that several birds flew up from the nests.

Kol-Alo snorted loudly.

“Why such surprised faces? When I found him 3 years ago he barely knew how to use a gun”

“The Silver Ghost? Didn’t know that? This is impossible. You are such a legend!” exclaimed Don Don without any care for his left pieces of pride.

Changmin shook his head smirking a little.

“All legends have a beginning… that may be quite awkward to recall afterwards – but we all start from somewhere and that is our decision which route to take and how hard to work for that”

“Did Kol-Alo also teach you that?”

“No… But that man is a great leader too” suddenly the tone and the temperature of Changmin’s voice changed to the warmth of mild sunsets.

Kol-Alo saw that Don Don was about to proceed his hero interrogation further and put his command voice back.

“Ok, lads – let’s get going. We have to reach the village before the dawn otherwise…”

_BA-DOOM_

Everyone who was standing at that moment fell to the ground from the force of the earthquake they experienced. The mushroom plants started to shake making the animals that nested there run for life. Everything was a mess from the constant shaking and while everyone was searching for some shelter a sudden light appeared. It was shaped in a form of an ellipse that was stretching more and more.

Everyone was shouting to run and hide.

Everyone was trying to escape.

The light went through the group of the bounty hunters and stopped as if thinking… or searching for more…

Don Don noticed Changmin helping Terluc to get rid of the branch that blocked his leg.

The light noticed it too.

It dashed to the pair and a blinding flash sent everyone to the state of stupor for some seconds.

When the light disappeared Kol-Alo rushed forward.

Terluc managed to free his leg.

Shim was nowhere in sight.

 

*

 

Changmin felt cold. And pain. And dust. And stonekiss on his cheek.

Slowly opening eyes he expected to see the usual mushroom view of Felucia only to find himself staring at the blackness above. His whole body felt heavy as if he was overridden by a truck. He wanted to stay motionless for at least five days but he quickly jumped up when his eyes caught a sight of the stone walls everywhere.

Changmin found himself in some kind of the hall with a high ceiling supported by endless columns. He was right in the center of this hall on the round higher platform to which several bridges led. Changmin came up close to the edge of the platform to see what was below and almost fell back when the stars and asteroids were spread for his view. It was as if he were floating above the universe.

‘This is definitely not Felucia… or any other planet…’ He tried to remember the last seconds before he lost consciousness and the memory of the strange light dashing in his direction flashed through his mind.

“Am I… dead?”

“ _No”_

Changmin jerked back from the sudden voice and reached for his gun. No one was around.

“ _We are not a threat”_

“Really? Then show yourself!”

_“We do not have a particular form but If it makes you feel better then we will try”_

Suddenly the lightest fog started to gather from all the corners flowing to the bridges from all the sides. The fog thickened only to form some memory of the human form, though still not quite similar. The faces were just blank expressions and the bodies were covered by the lengthy robes.

‘Ok… This beats even that hallucination after I tried that special drink of the day at the bar on Nal Hutta’

“Who are you?”

_“We have a lot of names”_

“Well I am sure you can try several with me?”

The whole situation was hard to absorb.

Changmin was throwing his usual small talk as usual to buy some time to calculate the distance of the exists, to count the number of the enemies, to make a plan for getting his somehow totally unlucky ass from the mess he got himself into. But as he was trying to do all that his inner instinct somehow did not feel any danger at all. All his instincts actually reached out to him asking to relax and open up - and only his trained mind kept them in check by forcing to anticipate the possible scenarios of his escape or… death? This habit was never unnecessary – it was actually the reason he survived for so long and managed to become invisible when he was tired from the efforts of others to learn where he had come from and who he was – so he decided to become a ghost that came and disappeared, living only in the memories of those who saw him on action.

_“We are the oldest beings”_

“Well, I knew some 800 years old champs on Jakku –they were really cool bar keepers… though a little strange in the head but pretty cool… and wise…” muttered he trying to slowly shift to the only bridge that was free of fog figures.

_“They are children compared to us. We are older than them… much older…”_

‘Just a bit closer and I will run through that bridge to that column and…’

_“Older than planets…”_

‘Let’s hope they do not have weapons or… mind control…’

 _“As old as the universe”_ rumbled the voice right behind him and Changmin tripped turning around. The fog figure in front of him was much bigger and emitted the strongest feeling of power among the others.

“As old as universe? This is impossible”

_“Why?”_

Changmin wanted to snap but then bit back. ‘Really why?’ He saw so many unusual events during these three years and the things that could be explained only by magic and forces that existed beyond the usual comprehension of the humans. He HIMSELF was searching for the most unusual artifact that had ever existed – the one that would help him to transfer back home… back to Yunho.

“If that is true then... are you the creators?”

_“No… more like the keepers and the guardians. But we prefer the name – The Beholders”_

“The Beholders… WAIT! I read about those people … creatures … beings… I mean… never mind. There was a library section on Dantooine that contained the oldest scrolls and there was a description of an encounter of the Jedi through the Force with The Beholder. She wrote they were keeping the universe and the worlds in balance, overseeing even the worlds that existed separately – alternative realities of the same universes and even more… But it was so unreal that I thought this had been just a dream in her meditation”

_“All this is true”_

Changmin was speechless – even more speechless than when he first found himself in a room with a window that showed the flying jets and two suns.

_“We guard the gates of the worlds and the bridges that lead to other realities. We watch the order of these passages, check the integrity of each universe… and fix the cracks if necessary. And you, Shim Changmin, are that one crack that we let loose… thus expanding the fractions with no end in sight ”_

“What?”

_“Tell us how you got to another universe”_

“What? You make it sound like I did it on purpose”

_“Changmin, tell us”_

Changmin got quiet choosing to polish his gun a little before putting it in a holster. He turned back to the Beholder demanding a memory from him and took several steps towards the edge of the platform to look at the stars. They were as always beautiful.

_“Do you not remember that day?”_

Changmin sneered mirthlessly.

“Quite on the contrary… I remember it perfectly because it is my every night nightmare”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be a flashback (not sure how many more are left cause now i am in a middle of the mess i created)  
> love, hugs, comments


	5. Are you sure? (part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a flashback. please enjoy)

Changmin was staring at the sign of the emergency stairs. All elevators were busy for some time already which was quite usual for the time before the photoshoot.

“Are you all right, Changmin-san?” a sudden voice made him turn abruptly that resulted into a sudden yell of that sudden voice and a sudden falling sound of the bag.

“I am so sorry!” Changmin was quick to collect the bag and pass it to the girl. “Sorry... umm…”

The girl seemed still startled clutching at the straps of what seemed to be a camera case.

‘Perfect… I hope nothing broke inside…’ passed the thought that helped to ease Changmin’s anxiety near zero.

“Are you with the staff?”

That seemed to restart the girl’s system and she got a little pink on the cheeks evidently catching up on the awkward silence (but that pink still could not rival the redness of Changmin’s ears – damn this hair that grew so slow and Yunho who loved it so much that one day Changmin thought his hyung could possibly crop his bangs while he was sleeping).

“Yes, I am Miya. Nice to meet you. I am new – on the photograph team. I am still learning but… not like that is interesting for you to know… sorry… you were just…”

“Strange”

“NO! Spacing out? Sorry…”

“Please, do not apologize, Miya-san, I truly was. Nice to meet you too. I am sure you will learn quickly and well. Please take care of us. Let’s work hard”

“Thank you… I hope your photoshoot will be a success… as usual. Let’s work hard” She bowed and went to the setting.

Changmin exhaled pinching his forehead a little. ‘Where was he? Right… the stairs…’

All staff was running back and forth trying to last-minute prepare the props and settings that usually left precious minutes for private time which could be used wisely – for example reading a book. A book that he perfectly left at the van. The van that was at the parking lot. Downstairs.

‘If only Yunho didn’t start that usual bonding with the new bodyguard right before they arrived at the set I wouldn’t have been distracted by the fact that he forgot his phone – AGAIN – and would have checked properly if I took My things first instead of His’

‘Ours’ the inner voice with a strange similar Yunho-tone winked at him.

Changmin snorted.

‘I am never quite alone even in my head. Awesome!’

All these Isshin Dotai jokes were not quite jokes with time passing but not like Changmin was ever going to admit it even under the gun.

Speaking about the gun… When they arrived he saw the set and was truly excited to see some drinks prepared beforehand. This concept was already super fun to him but all excitement was a bit mixed with the edginess creeping from the scribbles of _Bromance_ written almost on every paper of every staff he had encountered.

‘Bromance… right…’

When Changmin returned from the army and had the first press conference with Yunho everyone was amazed by his declarations of love and wish to treat his hyung better than ever. Changmin was truly sincere and determined. He was Yunho-deprived for so long that all his barriers were crushed just by being able to see that half-moon smile and feel a familiar hand on his back. They met during their breaks and the absence of spotlight actually turned all those days into a bliss which resembled the possibility of the dream they had talked about in the darkness of the unfamiliar hotel rooms or during long international calls. The pace and new-found ease they found felt so idyllic that Changmin let himself a little loose (finally let himself dream as if he deserved it). Only… all this cooled down a bit after the first stages of euphoria being back with Yunho passed. His too-much-tuned-to-logic and protection mind descended to the grounds of reality with the speed matching the quantity of camera flashes and interviews thrown upon them.

And though he saw how Yunho noticed his returning aloofness with him in public, saw those eyes clouding with understanding sadness for a millisecond – he could not stop himself.

‘The habit is too strong as it turned out’ sighed Changmin and decided to take the damn emergency stairs to clear his head a bit. The door behind him closed with a thump and he took several minutes to sync his swarm of thoughts with his breathing.

He saw that – it was not like he was blind or internet-robbed – how some people wanted them to show more skinship, some wanted them ( _him_ – because Yunho never had a problem with emotional constipation) to speak more openly and warmly about each other, some wanted them to spend all time together (like they didn’t), some wanted them to daily show the proof of their relationship (whatever they mean by it) by shooting and documenting and catalogizing the mentioned above ALL TIME TOGETHER time. Everyone in this world had opinion and expectation of what they were – pronouncing a verdict based on the seconds of what they saw.

Most people thought it was natural to openly show and shout about their bond, most staff wanted them to do that, their friends could not sometimes understand what stopped them, even Yunho opened up more than usual lately.

But Changmin… He still thought about his words from long ago and could not change the feeling that he was right (plus that constant bull-stubborn habit to make everything the other way round from what the majority wanted him to do).

‘Why should they prove anything to anyone? If he and Yunho know and believe in what they have between them – that should be enough and the whole world does not matter. He does not want any publicity and never feels the need to openly prove they are each other’s half’

‘Lies’ the inner voice with a strange similar Changmin-tone sneered at him and made him stop to grip the rails. ‘You don’t want anyone to see what you have with Yunho because it is special and you know that. You know how blessed you are and how Yunho is so… Yunho in all he does. How loving he can be. How he takes care of you. How he teases you when no one is around and it makes you feel even more special because this is only yours. How he talks with you. How he smiles at you. How he pouts at you. How he knows where to push to make you riled up or calm down. How there are 10001 types of hugs he knows to make you feel better. How he lets you get away with anything. How he always… always sees YOU and accepts YOU. No one has a look into your private life and you want to save it to yourself even if it sometimes paints you as cold and look unable to say anything emotional about him – when you are asked about feelings but talk about his appearance… because it is safe. Because then your mouth will not betray your feelings – feelings that everyone wants to see but the moment they see the intensity and realness – they either will sell it more and cheapen it to their standards or turn away from you and Yunho… Yunho does not deserve anything like this. He deserves the best and you think every day what you could possibly do to return the pureness and amount of love you receive – because it never seems enough to express in words or actions what you feel.’

Changmin felt pain and looked down on his already whitened knuckles on the rails.

‘Not a good timing to argue with myself again’ letting go of the grip was almost symbolic right now.

He took a deep breath.

Yunho… It was not like Changmin never felt the urge to hug and protect and shout and claim... He dreamt about it even during daytime but the fact stayed the same – no matter how completely selfish he wanted to become he wished their fragile peace and paradise not to be touched, described, analyzed (more than it already was) or tarnished by the wayward mood of the opinions and trends.

‘Trends… ‘

They would surely discuss the concept of this photoshoot and the cameramen would surely try to persuade them to stay closer (on each other), hug (do you feel my bones, hyung? Cause this is definitely a loose hug from their point of view), almost kiss (still a no? ok) and he had to go through the same hell again – trying to sway their fantasies from completely outing them (this pose? sure… because the BL romance is deprived on plot right now… these rings and this bedroom? sure… why not to announce we are married and not to bother? Dibs on the top!) and at the same time make sure that Yunho would not be hurt by his protection wall again. Though Yunho already knew this dance quite well to be hurt by something like this – he was actually never even sad watching Changmin flapping like a fish on the ground trying not to combust from the adjectives of their concepts that vaguely reminded of their nights in private rather than the shoot for the magazine or an interview for the national television. And Yunho actually made it worse (totally on purpose) with his vague metaphors and comparisons that only Changmin could understand and clearly see how all staff was wrong on his hyung’s brilliant work-related ideas... that smart talker…

‘This innocent soul is such a sadist sometimes… if only they knew…’ Changmin rolled his eyes reaching the last steps.

He pushed the door and with the sealed feeling of being cursed today found it closed. He tried the handle again and after several futile attempts decided to go a floor up to use the elevator to the parking lot from there.

He walked into a dimmed corridor with no one around and tried to remember what exactly could be located on this level. Not like he checked the plan. It was mostly an attempt to distract himself from the unnerving quietness. He almost reached the middle of the corridor when his eyes suddenly caught a ray of light seeping from under one of the doors. Several seconds later there was a loud crash. Changmin stopped and wanted to follow his precious logical brain to go straight and forget about all this but the silence after the crash was deafening and he turned to the door.

‘It’s nothing scary’ he didn’t quite believe it. ‘Someone might need help… if they fell… I have to check if they are all right’

That thought gave him enough courage to stretch his hand and turn the doorhandle.

A strange flashback of the cartoon with the monsters and doors to the children bedrooms flashed through his mind. Yunho’s passion for cartoons once made him stay though the sleepless night before a rehearsal and Changmin got his revenge in drinking all water from Yunho’s bottles next day… not like that oblivious child noticed. He never noticed anything that Changmin did to irritate him and throw him off balance – more likely all these scenarios usually ended in Yunho’s sunpower smile from his antics or in (98% of the cases) Changmin’s frustration and irritation.

‘So what was that cartoon’s name? Probably have to ask Yunho after I take my book back… but not before one more lecture on not leaving his things everywhere again’ flashed through Changmin’s mind before he saw a strange fog that was flowing into the hole… the hole in the middle of the… air? Huh?

The fog stopped as if disturbed and the hole started to shrink down. Changmin wanted to close the door but the pull from the hole was so strong that he ripped the doorhandle trying to stay on his legs. He was pushed to the border of the hole and blacked out the moment his body came in contact with the fog.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hugs, love, comments^^


	6. Are you sure? (part 3)

“After that I woke up in the room with the view of the planet I saw only in films and read in books” Changmin finally turned his gaze back to the fog figures.

Their human-like features expressed nothing but the fact that they looked at the main guy meant that they got what they wanted.

 _“You… were not supposed to be there”_ finally echoed through the hall.

“Why do I feel like there is a double meaning?”

_“The passages are opened throughout the worlds and they are meant to be discreet and hidden. We pass through them but they also have their own power. When the passage is about to close it will pull and absorb the things with vitality – usually us so that we would not be trapped in one particular world”_

“Don’t you open these holes?”

_“Not all of us can do that. Only the Elder Beholders hold such power”_

“For example… you?”

The Elder nodded and for the first time in a while Changmin felt like he was finally a step closer to the fulfillment of his promise. A promise to come back.

‘Finally… After three years I can... after…three… years…’

“Wait a second!” Changmin’s blood was firing up with every second his thoughts were dashing from one point to the other connecting the dots and completing the puzzle. “You summoned me here… to send me back… right?”

Silence.

He asked this question to test the waters of the worst outcome and the sullen and suddenly freezing muteness cut a part of his soul making it hard to breathe.

“Don’t fuck with me… seriously… say what you mean by all this!”

_“We wanted to hear your story to check the circumstances and find proof”_

“Proof for what?”

_“That Fate does not have anything to do with that”_

“Fate… WHAT?”

_“That corridor and that room were not supposed to be found. That floor was not used for a long time and people there kept their distance from that place being affected by the power of the passage. You said that you wanted to go through the door on the first floor. It means you were not supposed to be in that corridor. You were meant to stay in your world but it seems like while you were in deep thought you mind blocked the effect of the passage and you were able to pass through the premises of the bridge to the other reality. It was a mistake for you to get here.”_

Changmin really did not like where this conversation was heading. His brain already made the conclusion and saw the possible outcome of this mess but as the drowning man he was trying to grasp at least something similar to hope. He knew that he was asking the wrong questions… the questions meant to always be torn by the grievous knife-like words that he already knew. But he could not pronounce anything close to the meaning of _never or impossible_. He thought that the moment he himself uttered those words he would break into pieces.

“A mistake? And how do you usually handle these… mistakes?”

_“We don’t”_

Stab. What were these drops in his mind? Was his soul bleeding?

“What do you mean... ‘we don’t’?”

_“It never happened before. We never had to deal with these mistakes because no mistakes are supposed to ever take place”_

“But it did!” Changmin felt his fury whirling inside begging to let out. He squeezed his hands and digged his nails deep into the skin wishing to wake up from this nightmare. Simple wishes. Heartless answers.

“You… you can open the doors and connect the bridges… JUST… just do this and I will go back and it will finally end”

_“We cannot”_

“LIKE HELL YOU CAN!”

_“Changmin, you do not quite understand our purpose. We do not rule or define what is going to happen. We do not take part in the circle of the universes. We are just the Beholders… the observers. We do not judge, we do not help, we do not punish – we just keep everything together. We do not have any right to interfere in the process of the events and realities. People are born and die. Races fight and kill. Planets exist and are destroyed. This all is the flow of life in time and space but we are above these notions. We exist beyond these things – have existed and will be existing even if all dies. We always stay on the borders and keep watch over them. We can’t intervene. We… can’t bring you back.”_

As much as these creatures were devoid of emotional expressions Changmin almost saw the sadness in them. Or maybe it was just a part of him reflected on the foggy surface.

‘What the hell is going on?’ He sighed and felt rage bubbling up again.

“If you can’t do anything… why did you appear now? Why to bother? Why not just let me stay alone? Why to come and confirm the things I thought were impossible only to shove me in the face that you will not flick a finger though you have the power? You could have just stayed on your borders and watch me rot in this forgotten universe laughing at my pathetic attempts to find the way out…”

_“You did not rot…”_

“What?”

_“Nor were your attempts pathetic… and that is the main reason”_

Changmin almost tripped trying to make sense out of all he heard. His headache started long ago but now he was about to crack his skull open to extract the noise from the legends, the Force, the planets, the Jedi, the Sith, the races and now the Beholders that crowded together and disturbed his peace. He just wanted to erase it all and never recall all this crap that now upgraded to the level he was not sure he would be able to handle.

“I am smart and all but please do explain what the fuck this means!”

_“You did not rot in here… can’t you see? The way you affect this universe?”_

“Me?? Affect the universe? Is that even possible for a being from the same dimension and not just an outlander like me?”

_“At first we held a counsel to decide what to do with you. We were confused and wanted to approach you right away but we could not break the rules of not interfering. We watched you for the first months and saw how…”_

The Elder Beholder got quiet for a moment and Changmin flushed from the embarrassing memories of his breakdown. But hey, they did not teach you at school how to cope with travelling to another reality.

_“How… passive you were… and decided to leave you be. But you changed. You started to search for the answers”_

“So this is it? You do not want me to continue the research?”

_“That too. But mostly… stop helping others”_

This Changmin could not expect even he bet all his fortune.

“Excuse me?”

_“The Silver Ghost… The name holds too much power now. The races know about you and search for your help. Through your persistence and determination you became a symbol…”_

“Symbol of what?”

_“Of Hope. Those in need whisper your name and it brings them strength, others want to be like you and change their lives, others try to follow you and leave their homes, others hate you and hire headhunters to kill you. The things you did are becoming legends now at the places where this word did not exist. The flow of this reality is broken. A lot of things that were not supposed to happen happened… a lot of things that were supposed to take place… are now only possibilities never used due to your impact on the people involved. Even today you were trying to help to change the story a part of which you had never been.”_

The Elder Beholder pierced Changmin’s eyes with his foggy stare.

_“You have to stop.”_

The implication of this future ripped a burst of humorless laugh from Changmin.

“You want me to stop searching, to stop helping, to stop communicating… Should I turn into a hermit and spend the rest of my life in a cave?”

_“Not exactly a cave”_

This was becoming tiresome.

“What does that mean?”

_“Changmin, you are not a part of this world. If you continue to interfere in this reality the consequences can be disastrous. There is always a price to pay and this price may mean the innocent lives of millions here. We can’t take such risks. You can’t return back but you can’t stay as you are now in this dimension. You are an exception – above and beyond the realities and time – like us. We will prepare a special place here for you”_

“Oh really? How generous!”

_“You will have all necessary things for living”_

“The only necessary thing I need is Yunho. Can you bring him here?”

The fog figures waved a little from the intensity of Changmin’s words. Only the Elder stayed still.

_“No”_

“Then it will not be a living – just an existence. With no purpose and no end.”

_“Changmin… you do not have a choice. You have to”_

‘Have to… How many times I heard this phrase in my life?’ Changmin looked at the figures around him – cold passive beings. Guarding only one mission. ‘Should be nice to be that uncomplicated in emotional department.’

He turned back to the stars beneath the bridges. So… to lead a quiet life. Not to interfere into anything… Sounded like…  finally getting some rest? Agreeing to this offer would mean he would not have to care about surviving for the rest of his life… Life? If he stayed here it would not be life… He could not even name what it would mean to him. He spent so much time pursuing his goal to find a way back to his reality… to Yunho. But along the way the things that did not let him to completely go mad were the people and races around him. When he just got the hang of how not to be killed the second he went out in the streets he understood that he was not that bad in this game called surviving. And when he mastered that game – he could not just go past those in need. It… helped. It meant he was alive… and… worthy?  to fight for his chances to get back. He even found some friends in rather shifty-looking individuals along the way… To stop all of this… For what? For a chance to turn into fog while still being alive?... That was not the plan.

Somehow this thought brought him back to his roots, his original passion.

“No”

_“Changmin…”_

“I said – no” He came close to the Elder and smiled. “Look I understand your part. You can’t help. Am I angry? Oh yes! Do I care? Not much. If you can’t help – I will help myself. Not to interfere? Sorry. You said I am an exception so you do not know for sure what will happen in the future. Maybe I will be bitten in the ass by the consequences – but that is my ass and I will handle it when the time comes. You can’t interfere – cool! It means you will not kill me and even if you trap me here I will find a way out from this dimension too. One more, one less – it does not matter anyway… The point is… I. Will. Never. Stop. Searching. So please be sure not to strain yourself to frighten people with your fabulous entrance of light and flashes… I made a promise to come back and I intend to fulfill it even if it takes another three or thirteen years.”

He turned around and went straight to the bridge on the other half of the platform. He would check the exists starting from there. Calmly. One by one. He would come back and…

_“Are you sure?”_

Changmin halted against his own will.

“Sure about what?”

_“That you want to return?”_

“What a ridiculous question?”

_“It is not. The time passes… on both sides. Actually in this world one year means two in yours.”_

Changmin’s breath hitched… three years for him… six years for Yunho… damn this!

_“So many years passed… Are you sure you want to return to what is on the other side now?”_

Changmin did not like this conversation.

_“You changed… why do you think that Yunho would not change too?”_

Changmin definitely did not like this conversation.

“I did not change where it matters”

_“Where it matters for you… Are you sure Yunho did the same? Stayed the same?”_

“Why are you telling me this?”

_“Because, Changmin, sometimes… when you desperately search for someone you may forget that the distance affects both sides… and how the other side copes is not in your power to control”_

“What happened to Yunho?”

_“Changmin…”_

“What happened to him? Answer me or I swear I…”

_“Instead of telling you… how about I will show it?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's hope it will make sense further yayy


	7. Are you sure? (part 4)

The moment The Elder Beholder finished his sentence the whole hall became clouded by the fog. Changmin tried to walk forward but was afraid to misstep and fall right on the stars (whatever it would mean).

He stood still until the features of some house in front of him became distinctive. The walls of the hall changed to the trees and the stars beneath the bridges transformed into grass. There were flowers in front of the house but Changmin could not feel any smell. He saw how the wind was rustling through the leaves but did not feel it on his skin.

“Where are we?”

The Elder Beholder shifted closer to him – the others were not in sight.

_“This is Yunho’s home”_

“Like hell it is! I know how it looks – both of them” replied Changmin almost on a reflex, on a reflex to protect himself from whatever was going to happen now.

_“Six years have passed, Changmin. I warned you”_

“It is… really Yunho’s home?”

The Elder nodded and Changmin sprinted right to the door. The need to reach. To make the last steps.

His hand made a contact with the doorhandle… and his hand went through it not making any impact. Changmin staggered back stunned.

_“This is not the original reality. I just project the time from that dimension to our Hall of Eternity. You can’t touch or influence anything here. No one will hear or see you”_

“Is this the real time?”

_“Yes”_

The Elder went through the wall inside the house and Changmin closing his eyes and taking a deep breath did the same.

‘This transforms into some Harry Potter universe… just…’ he opened his eyes.

The corridor led to the living room that was very bright from the big windows. It was filled with modern furniture – order and cleanliness felt in every object. So logically placed, so fashionably designed, so… not Yunho.

Changmin knew that he pestered his hyung on separating and bringing at least some system to his possessions because Yunho accepted all gifts and stuff he found everywhere. All these things always found place in his house – always kept and preserved even from years and years before. It was really touching and made him respect and admire the man every time he saw all mementos scattered around the house but somehow looking very domestic and loved by the owner.

Here… there was nothing like this. Sure the house looked warm and well-kept but it felt like it was not Yunho who arranged this, as if there was another…

“Appa!”

If Changmin were not some kind of a ghost at this moment he would surely break a lot of things from his abrupt swinging to the source of the sound.

The source turned out to be a little girl rushing to the living room getting rid of her bag and coat along the way.

“Appa! I am back!”

“Oh! You are back! Welcome home!”

Changmin did not know whether it was a flaw of projecting another universe real time or just a flaw in his time perception but the moment he heard the voice that had become a part of him long ago everything slowed down like in underwater.

He turned around and saw Yunho.

Yunho who usually came only in his dreams, smiling and teasing, somehow always encouraging as if he knew what Changmin was going through. Yunho who hummed the songs in a soothing manner. Yunho who lay resting right in the middle of the floor after practice. Yunho who rusted his hair while passing by. Yunho whose eyes calmed him down and gave him strength before the reality kicked Changmin back from the bed.

Yunho who looked… the happiest now. Hugging the girl with all his might but at the same time being delicate and gentle.

“How was your day?” asked Yunho leaning back a little but still not letting go of the girl.

‘Daughter’ – wow Changmin never thought the word could slap you so much.

“Great! Omma promised to take me to the zoo tomorrow!”

Slap number two was stronger but Changmin already began to get used to pain.

“Really? Will you take me with you?”

The girl (the daughter, Shim!) put her hand to the mouth making a great effort to think this through.

“Only if you buy me ice cream”

“Hmmm… what if I say I already bought it?” whispered Yunho making a great effort to look mysterious.

“Appa! You are the best!”

“Hahaha but do not tell Omma, ok? We will eat it secretly on the balcony together. Do you remember what I told you before?”

“Yes! The food is tastier when eaten in secret!”

Slap number three almost finished Changmin.

 “True! Now go and wash your hands. As soon as Omma returns we will eat dinner”

“YES!” answered the girl (damn, I will try later to call proper names) and ran to the second floor.

Yunho got up and stared at the… daughter affectionately like she were the only thing existing at the moment – Yunho-style. His eyes sparkled as if he remembered the most amusing and mesmerizing moment in his life and he chuckled.

Changmin almost choked from the emotions that bended him to the ground. He had an impulse to reach and touch Yunho’s hand. Try to make him look in his eyes and recognize the usual gaze he knew and loved so much. His hand almost reached Yunho but he jerked away. Not from recalling that he would not be able to do that even he tried. He stumbled back because he… did not have a place beside him anymore.

Yunho walked to the door and walked out of Changmin’s life.

_“Yunho did not forget you. He was very worried when you disappeared and postponed the comeback as much as he could. He used a lot of resources to try to find you but with time everyone understood that you were lost… possibly forever and without any confirmation on what had happened. Yunho was the last to accept this reality if it makes you feel better”_

“But he accepted it”

_“Yes… But what would you expect, Changmin? This reality does not have any notion of magic, Force and multidimensions that you encountered. People here follow the rules they set themselves and the theories they believe are true. No one would even think about travelling between realities if the missing case comes up. People are logical and practical. They live and move on. That is natural”_

“Yunho was never logical and practical when it came to…”

‘What am I doing? What am I try to prove? To whom?’ Changmin stared at the flower drawing on the wall trying to not to lose his mind. Not that it helped even a bit.

_“He received a lot of help and support from the others but he left the agency and decided to bring one of his dreams to life”_

“He built a school?”

_“Yes. During that time he met his wife. She helped him to set his life straight and the daughter helped him to move on from the pain that was left”_

“Then he brought minimum two of his dreams to life”

‘Family – you always wanted it… right… hyung? To have a house and children… Many children... 25?’ chuckled Changmin. ‘You talked about it already at such a young age – when the boys usually think about football and skipping school… But you were never an ordinary boy, hyung. I know that. More than anyone… It is… right… This reality knows only one world. To imagine what I would have felt if you disappeared just like that without knowing anything… No! I do not want to even think about it! I would go mad during the first months for sure.. and for you it was six years... But you were… always stronger, Yunho, even when you doubted yourself. And I understand… to survive in this world… not to go crazy… you have to move on… we learned that lesson once together… now you learned it on your own’

Changmin tore his eyes from the flower drawing to look at something higher. Because higher there was a much better view – not because something wet was about to run along his cheeks.

His throat almost closed up from the chokes he was surpassing and he had to take several deep breaths to feel he could as much as move without his knees giving in.

He took several steps towards the table covered with framed photos. There was one taken in front of the building with several floors.

_“That is the school he set up. He gave it your name too as a tribute to your legacy as a group and commemorating your name. He still remembers you every year – they remember as a family now”_

Changmin looked at the picture of Yunho and his wife during the ceremony. It was a very nice girl with kind features and bright eyes. They looked very good together and the picture radiated happiness. He shifted his eyes a bit to the side and Changmin’s heart almost stopped.

“Does she know… about…?”

_“… No. Changmin, we need to go”_

“She does not know?”

_“Like I said – no. Yunho moved on and that was unnecessary for her to…”_

“What. The. Fuck. Do. You. Think. You. Are. Doing. Right. Now!?” the words were cutting the air around though Changmin was only whispering.

_“What do you mean?”_

Changmin turned abruptly to face the Elder.

“Where is Yunho?”

_“You just saw him. He went…”_

“That is not Yunho! At least not the real one!”

_“Changmin, I understand that it is hard to accept but…”_

“Moved on? Built a family? Built a school with our name?”

_“Changmin…”_

“Don’t fuck with me! Yunho is a sensitive and caring person. Besides he is honest with his feelings till the end. If he moved on he would not have it here”

Changmin pointed to a polaroid picture of himself and Yunho taken as it seemed quite a long time ago.

_“Changmin, Yunho has your pictures in the house. He could not just erase your existence…”_

The scoff from Changmin’s side made the Elder stop his monologue.

“He can have as many of my pictures as he wants but not this one. Yunho who loves his wife would never put this picture near their wedding pic. Yunho who moved on would never bring this picture to light. Yunho is not heartless and would never hurt his family by this half-assed gesture”

_“What are you talking about? This is just a picture”_

“Seems like you did not do your homework till the end… This is not just a picture. It is THE picture. It is our picture. From the day we understood that we would not need anyone for our happiness and future except each other. From the day we made our promise. From the day we gave our oaths”

Changmin’s rage was out of control now and the only thing he wanted to do was to smack that fog unemotional face, to hear the echo of this sound, to hear how this sound breaks this shitty illusion. He came up to the Elder Beholder and bit his lip to blood not to shout like crazy.

“If Yunho moved on and lives in a fairy-tale happiness he would have never put that picture in his house. So stop this masquerade and tell me the truth. Where. Is. Yunho?”

The Elder looked at the picture and the flicker of sadness ran through his features.

_“You never discussed the importance of this picture”_

‘So they really tried to fake all this using our past’ Changmin was savage.

“We do not need to discuss anything to understand each other. We do not use words to convey what we feel and want. For the last time I ask you – where is Yunho?”

The Elder glanced at Changmin and stared at the picture again.

_“I tried to warn you”_

“To hell with your warning! Is he married?”

_“… No”_

“Does he have a child?”

_“… No”_

“Then why don’t you want to show him to me?”

_“Are you sure you want to know?”_

“Again this question! Why would I not want? What can be more awful for me than moving on with a family?”

_“Moving on for real”_

Changmin stepped back, dumbfounded.

“What?”

The Elder Beholder pierced him with his nothing-good promising eyes.

_“Moving on without any help from the others – just because your feelings overcome the past on its own and your heart forgets”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please, comments will save my life and innershim as much as breakfast saves your day.  
> love all (though many may hate me by now)


	8. Are you sure? (part 5)

“What do you mean… when heart forgets?”

The Elder Beholder stretched his arms and the scenery started to change. The modern furniture and the high tech devices were replaced by the wooden design with the things scattered around the place. And though the place seemed different Changmin immediately recognized his hyung’s touch in all things around.

The pictures, the books, the trophies, the letters, the gifts – from the past combined with the new additions. Mostly… Yunho. Only Yunho.

Changmin tried to search at least for one of their photos together but only their album photobooks contained them. The photobooks from their time as a duo… standing together with a continuation of solo releases.

“He…”

_“Yes. He continued to perform”_

“They are mostly Japanese?”

_“This is his Japan house. He is now on his tour”_

‘Japan… one word… but so much meaning’ thought Changmin looking around again.

_“The time when you disappeared Yunho tried to find you postponing the comeback but he could not do that for long. He knew there were the promises made and also sometimes work helps…”_

“To distract from… everything… I know” Changmin knew it too well. The times when they were to restart as a duo was the hardest – so many opinions, so much hate, so little faith and so much stress. He dived into work together with Yunho forging into a new form of themselves – stronger, better, sharper – shedding weaknesses, mastering skills. Finding balance with each other came only after several times they almost got physical with their growing irritation towards each other as a result of avoiding their domestic and mostly private problems. They were never the ones to wear their hearts on sleeve – they were never the ones to open up right away, choosing to bottle everything up and fight their ghosts and nightmares on their own. Until they learned the ways to find their lost peace in each other again.

‘Each… other… and now Yunho was alone’

_“The team helped him to rearrange the program and he performed once… and then twice… and then more... The public was supportive and he felt that he managed to pull through and that they gave him strength… so he decided to stay…”_

“It was always his dream… to perform… TVXQ…” every word was hoarse.

_“He could not be TVXQ anymore… the group has to consist at least of two people – so he decided it was time to let it go and continue as himself. And as the time passed he saw that the performance brought him a lot of happiness and allowed him to… move on”_

Changmin’s lungs began to hurt and he gasped in surprise because he caught himself not breathing for all this time.

_“While working himself away he noticed that the memories about you became distant. He spent all his time on schedules trying not to think about what had happened to you. It also forced him to stay more in Japan because in Korea he had to deal with more pressure and familiar faces and… families…and memories…”_

The staccato in Changmin’s heart started to echo in his ears.

_“He stayed here and through support and love his heart began to heal. And to heal after such a trauma meant to slowly let go. After all the distance that he put between both of you one day he just… felt solid again. He understood that his time was still on and that he had a lot of opportunities to bring his dreams and plans to life. His passion was always remarkable and now he is using all his forces to stay on the path he chose”_

The Elder waited for Changmin to react but after getting no response he shifted to the large TV on the wall and put his foggy hand on it.

The TV switched on and it showed the room of the famous Japanese show with Yunho listening to the questions from the MCs. He was wearing a suit that always fitted him so perfectly. The face was full of serenity and maturity. He was so…  content and at peace.

“Yunho-san, we want to congratulate you on the release of your new album once again!”

“Thank you very much! I appreciate your support with all my heart!” bowed Yunho.

“Can we talk a little about the songs that you recorded? Can you tell us the one you like the most?”

“Yes… umm… among all the songs I think that “I do” is my favourite. This song is about my belief that I can do anything if I put my passion into something. That I do believe that life is too short to live with regrets and memories about something that is not here anymore. I do hope that this song will inspire the others to make a move forward as the past will always be there – but that is the present that matters because it evolves into the future you aim to have”

“Beautiful message, Yunho-san! But I should say when I heard the title for the first time I thought you were going to marry”

“Hahaha was it that misleading? Hahaha no, I do not intend to get married in the nearest future” blushed Yunho actively denying the supposition with his hands.

“Really? Is there no one special in your life?”

The usual teasing from the MCs felt too harsh right now – with awful premonition of the painful answer that was about to follow.

“Umm no. I still have a lot of things to do and though I considered marriage as something that I would reach by my thirties – now… I understand that this is not a priority for me. There are a lot of people whom I want to support, a lot of people whom I want to help and a lot of things I would love to improve. The marriage at this moment would only hurt the other party because I will be constantly busy”

“The other party… so there might be someone close to you?”

“Umm… you make me blush” laughed Yunho trying to cover his crimson face.

“That was the main goal, Yunho-san! Hahaha we hope you will bring all your plans to life and make us happy with the long-awaited announcement”

“I will work hard! Thank you!”

So much joy and bliss in the features Changmin dreamt of every night.

“Also… we all remember that soon there will be an anniversary…”

For the first time the MCs seemed to be contemplating how to proceed with their wording.

They did not have to. Yunho had no problem or hesitation in handling the touchy matter.

“Yes… soon it will be six years since Changmin left us” Yunho’s voice was too stable for Changmin to stay calm.

“Everyone was surprised that you stopped doing something special for this date after only two years”

Yunho shifted in his seat and bent a bit forward locking his fingers.

“That is true and I am happy you asked that so that I can finally clarify some theories going around… Changmin was a… special person in my life. I could not imagine myself without him and when he disappeared I was… lost and hurt. I did not know what to do from that moment, how to move on. But then… during the second anniversary I remembered our conversations with him about the future that we wanted and the career we had – the career that morphed into the path of our lives. Music and performance were not just a job anymore – it was the essence and the power that allowed us to grow and reach the goals we set for ourselves, the string that laced and connected all parts of our lives and made us to happily get up in the mornings… Changmin… always was practical and the most reasonable between us and… now that I was alone… I had to actually acquire those traits to continue what we achieved.”

Changmin thought that with every second his body was forgetting how to function – eyes not shutting, limbs not moving, brain not working.

“He once said “Hyung, I think I will not be able to live without a stage” and I think he was right. I could not give up and let the music and our legacy die and… I decided to continue my performances and by this to continue what Changmin and me loved the most. To add more - it was really hard to go through this date every year so I found other ways to remember him. That is why… to all those who encounter this kind of situation I want to say that… you have to live on, to use every day to create something new, to continue your path because when people leave us it is hurting as hell but we have to be strong as we are the present and we are the ones who build the future with our actions and deeds. You can’t just let the hurt get you and destroy you so please – be strong, believe in yourself and with time the pain will go away”

“Yunho-san… Thank you for such a touching and inspiring interview! Please continue to bring us a lot of joy and light with your work!”

“Thank you very much!”

“And we are ready to welcome another guest…”

The MCs were speaking further but Changmin just saw the shots changing – a mute cinema… like his life now.

‘Why?’ he turned around to send another look to the room.

_“Changmin, I tried to tell you that it was not a good idea”_

Changmin came to the shelves that had the trophies of the recent years. His eyes narrowed.

‘Is there a reason? How to understand why?’ his thoughts were a mess.

_“You see that there is no way you can return to Yunho anymore. He moved on and is successful now. He found balance and peace – if you escape us and find the way out… what do you think his reaction will be to see you at his door after so many years? You will break his world… and you will break yours too because Yunho let you go and sealed his determination to move forward – now his heart does not feel the same anymore. Changmin, do you hear me?”_

‘Why?’ the chaos in Changmin’s head began to shape the decision.

“He found that someone special right?”

_“… Yes… there were several persons in his life already actually…”_

“Several?”

_“Yes”_

“I see” sighed Changmin, his eyes clearing. “What do I need to do?”

_“Do you agree to stay in our world?”_

“Do I just… say yes and it is settled?”

The Elder stretched his arms again and the projection of the house disappeared revealing the Hall of Eternity again. Only now at the center of the platform there was a tall table with a sphere with the light coming as if from within.

_“This is the Stone of Soul. It will help you to move to the dimension we prepared for you. As soon as you are ready – just touch it”_

Changmin stared at the sphere, gaze fixed, jaw tightened.

“And… that is all? Just touch?”

“ _Yes… I am sorry you had to go through all this but you will at least live in peace for the remaining years”_

Changmin came close to the table exploring the object. He took a deep breath.

“Yunho… does not need me anymore… I thought… he… but that is only me it seems… who stayed the same”

_“Yunho did not have much of a choice. He had to live on… but Changmin? Today you made the right choice too”_

“… You are right. That is what I am after all… practical and the most reasonable… that is why I make the right choices”

And Changmin raised his hand.


	9. Are you sure? (part 6)

The sound of the shot was deafening. The shatters of the sphere were flying off the ground producing the sound of the falling rain. They spread out like the stars under the bridges, glistening like silver.

Changmin put the safety back but did not holster his gun. He did not believe any weapons would affect the Elder Beholder but having the cold and very much familiar now weight in his hand was calming his nerves. A little.

The Elder Beholder did not move but his foggy face finally formed into the emotion – first emotion – breaking the mask.

_“Changmin… You do understand that you destroyed your only chance for peace?”_

“My chance? For peace? I am trying to understand what you are planning right now but I am happy to know that this was the only option for you to trap me somewhere for the rest of my life” he pointed to the broken sphere.

_“You…”_

“Stop this bullshit! I am really tired of your games”

The Elder scanned the floor and threw several glances – first at Changmin’s gun, then at his face, then back at the pieces on the ground.

_“You knew”_

“That you were projecting another illusion? Yes”

 _“How?”_ the puzzlement in the Elder’s voice was starting to taste sweet for Changmin.

“I can’t say I got this right away. The shock was quite… overwhelming. The room was just… so Yunho… and I almost got fooled. But then… you said he stayed in Japan because it hurt more to be in Korea. It was the first bell for me to understand that something was wrong. Japan… If anything would hurt the most… then it is Japan among all places… it was… special… in all senses. That place would be the last I would stay trying to move on. But I was too knocked down at first to think straight… You had to stop right there but you spoiled everything yourself… and put that interview”

_“Interview? But Yunho talked about how he moved on… how he decided to let you go!”_

Changmin walked around the table and pressed his hand to the cooling surface.

“I thought at first – how you were doing it? Such precision in details… but the first scene was crushed by the photo and now this Yunho… talking as passionately and gently as usual but at the same time contradicting himself”

_“Contradicting?”_

Changmin moved his fingers to see the dust from the table follow his movement, leaving the prints of his spins.

“Hmm… it dawned on me. You use the things we own to prove the reality you make… We received a trophy long time ago. It was a unique one because there was a misspelling on it. We noticed it several months later but decided not to return it… There was another one on the shelf in that room – supposedly received by Yunho when he started a solo career… with the same misspelling”

The Elder shifted a bit to the side – the fog thickening around him. Embarrassment might be a transcendent feeling in the end.

“You also used the things we said in the past to build a believable future reality. But the point is… sometimes we do not say things we mean. Sometimes we say things that mean the opposite. I think you are not very much familiar with such complicated communication?”

Changmin chuckled more to himself than at the Elder. Their discreetness and Changmin’s constant efforts to keep their real feelings as hidden as possible might have saved him today.

“People build dreams about others without a second thought using the shield of the IMAGE to enjoy their fantasies… most of the time everyone wants to hear and to see us doing something they make up but the moment you do the same very thing or say the same very sentence outside of the IMAGE… they are ready to destroy and vituperate you… hypocritical treatment…” Changmin’s knuckles whitened from his grip on the vest. “Sometimes when we were in public we wanted to say things, to do things that were not acceptable by the others… that would blow up everything… But we overcame it. We made a code that only we understood”

_“I can’t follow what you trying to say…”_

“ _Hyung, I think I will not be able to live without a stage_ ” A reminiscent smile touched Changmin’s lips. “Actually meaning ‘ _Hyung, I will not be able to live without you_ ’. It was before the enlistment… We couldn’t… I couldn’t find the right words all the time. We were thrown into so many activities that almost did not have any time for each other. I was slowly dying inside watching Yunho near me and not being able to say right away what I felt at such moments because we were always in public and soon he would enlist and I was fearing that day and he needed to know that every second was bringing that moment and I was late with so many things and… and I said this… And Yunho understood… He understood every time that ‘If you do that one more time I will move out’, ‘You are the messiest person I know’, ‘Will you stop waking me up with your singing at 5 a.m.?’, ‘I don’t want to hold hands’, ‘I hate this fanservice’ actually meant ‘I love you’, ‘Together with you I can face anything’ and ‘I want to stay like this forever’”

Changmin shook his head as if silencing the memories overflowing him. He leaned back on the table crossing the arms.

“ _Changmin always was practical and the most reasonable between us_ … true… when talking about domestic matters… but I am afraid when it comes to feelings it does not work this way – at least not when it comes to Yunho. I am… greedy and selfish and… Yunho was much more sensible in his approach when it came to us. He is… the light in flesh?” Changmin looked at the stars behind the Elder. ”Everyone is gravitating towards him without noticing it. I know that more than anybody. He… he has a kind heart that is always ready to help anyone, to listen to anyone, to accept anyone. His love is limitless… I am… not like this. If I feel something it is too intense – so much that sometimes I fear for myself. I can’t just… give love and emotions that easily. I am usually on alert with new people… I can’t just… let my feelings flood me – that is why I may seem cold and uncaring…but in reality I care too much and I am not ready to extend this feeling to anyone because then I will just burn away… but I accepted that in me. We all feel differently and at our own pace. We either match or not… and though we are so different with Yunho – that is what makes us compete. He fills the gaps in me which I would never conquer myself – and vice versa… Yunho knows it and that is why he would not use this memory about me in such a way”

_“You know him too well”_

“Maybe… I think…”

_“Why didn’t you say anything right away? In that room?”_

Frowning Changmin studied the face of the Elder.

“You kept feeding me with these illusions and I thought ‘Why?’… I believe you would continue to do so until I break or whatever. I needed to know how you were going to transfer me to the other place you specifically prepared and to understand how to destroy or escape this plan. So I pretended to believe you and you took the bait… But there is one thing that I still do not understand”

_“Which one?”_

Changmin pointed to the ground.

“It was just a sphere… Why didn’t you simply force me to touch it? I would have been on the other side already long ago and you would not need to go through this circus trying to deceive me”

The Elder Beholder shifted to the shatters of the sphere making them clack from the gust of wind he left behind.

_“We could not force you”_

“Why?”

 _“Because this is not just a sphere – it is the Stone of Soul. You have to touch it on the free will for it to_ _accept…”_

The silence was not a good sign – ever.

“To accept what?”

_“Your soul”_

“What? Wait…” Changmin really did not like the guess he had. “This… was not just another dimension that awaited me on the other side, right? No other reality needs someone’s agreement to transfer there. If you give it your soul… you…”

_“Die”_

The word was echoing in the hall as a verdict, as a doom.

Changmin felt numb – he allowed for all possibilities but this one.

“You wanted to kill me?”

_“I told you already, Changmin. We watch the integrity of the realities and fix the flaws. You are a flaw. Your presence here was never planned or envisioned – it was a mistake. You impacted this universe too much already – you have to be removed before anything bigger happens. We wanted you to see that there was nothing awaiting you on the other side and accept your fate staying here in the Stone of Soul. The realities are too much changed already. We have to take action”_

‘This constant reminder of your fucking mistake and not mine!’ Changmin felt the anger that slowly started to mix with fear.

 “Realities? As in… plural?”

The Elder staggered and Changmin read it as if in the book – being caught in something he did not want to slip.

“Tell me”

_“Changmin…”_

“Tell me!”

_“You both were supposed to stay in your dimension…”_

“And?”

_“After your disappearance… Yunho… he changed… and he began to affect his reality too”_

“What do you mean? What happened to him? Wait… Did you go to him too? To perform this ritual with the Stone of Soul?”

The Elder stayed silent and Changmin dashed in his direction to shake the whole fog out of his transparent body. When he rushed right through the Beholder not inflicting any damage Changmin swung back and tried to calm down his heavy breathing.

“Did you go to him?” it was more like a growl.

_“No”_

“Are you going to go to him after trapping me here?”

_“No”_

“Like hell I believe you! You said I affect the reality and need to be extracted. If Yunho is also affecting the reality – you would want to remove him too, right?”

_“That will not be necessary”_

Changmin almost forgot how to breathe.

‘Don’t ask! Don’t ask!’ – but when Changmin listened to anyone? Even to himself?

“What does that mean?”

_“Our interfering involves only you. Yunho… will not need our participation in this”_

“He…”

_“He does not have much time left, Changmin. He is already dying”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummmm hiding under a pile of slippers that are thrown at her
> 
> love you all. please comment... nicely?


	10. Are you sure? (part 7)

Changmin heard his knees making a contact with the floor but did not feel anything. Anything except the excruciating pain in his heart. For a second everything turned black, in non-existing vacuum.

“You are lying again”

_“No, Changmin. This time I am not”_

“I do not believe you!”

The Elder’s solemn expression caused the hall of the Eternity imprint a sudden weep as if someone was being tortured. That someone being Changmin.

“NO! No… no” the chant was a last straw for him to stay sane but this time Changmin felt with his skin that The Elder was not playing with his mind anymore. And this was surely a punishment for this long-needed sincerity.

“Show me”

_“Changmin…”_

“SHOW ME” Changmin jumped to his feet. The gun fell on the floor but he did not even notice it.

The Elder crossed his arms and the fog covered the hall again transforming the stone into the blank features of a small room.

Painted walls.

One table.

One bed.

Papers with handwriting and newspaper cuts scattered on the table, under the table, pinned to walls.

Fake flowers in the plastic vase with a mass-market pattern.

The coldest and the most faceless room you would find in any cheap hotel.

Changmin looked out of the window.

“This is not Korea… or Japan”

_“No it is not”_

“Where are we?”

_“Just… another nameless and forgotten place to check the lay”_

“What?”

At this moment the pile of sheets and blankets on the bed started to move uncovering Yunho. He tried to sit up but in his sleepiness failed several times. As soon as his back finally touched the board of the bed Yunho started to rub his eyes to remove the last layers of his dreams… or rather nightmares?

The way he looked made Changmin bite his cheeks and dig his nails into the palms.

Baggy eyes, disheveled hair, thin arms, complexion too white to be healthy but the most horrifying thing was the cough that suddenly shook Yunho’s body with such force that he crouched in half.

Changmin rushed to his side forgetting that Yunho could not see or feel him. The knowledge that he could not bring any relief to him knocked nails into Changmin’s body. The final nail being the blood that got onto Yunho’s hand after another rather nasty bout of coughing.

“Yunho… he is…”

_“He is ill… for a long time already”_

“How? Why is nobody helping him?”

_“You know him quite well… Why do you think?”_

‘Yunho… you idiot’

“He did not tell anyone”

_“You are right. All stories that I told you have the same beginning... but this one has the worst end. Yunho postponed the comeback as much as he could. He was desperate to find you. All staff was actually participating but he was adamant. The searches did not lead to anything and there was a question left… what to do with your tour and activities. Yunho is… Yunho as you like to repeat…”_

Changmin looked at the man who was slowly cleaning his hand from all blood. Eyes blurry, actions robotic. Worse was only during _that_ time. Though no… this was much worse.

But no matter how hard it was every time – Yunho still was the same, right?

“He finished the tour”

_“Yes. Most of the stuff and public were understanding and asked him to take a break but he was intent to carry out his obligations till the end. He dived into work rearranging the program and wrapping the tour with you in mind. Finishing it with a mental promise to continue searching and believing that you two would meet again. He never stopped searching for you even during the rehearsals and performing – using every spare minute to check and follow your case. And he exhausted himself”_

‘Hyung…’ Changmin felt his throat closing up again. He spent quite a lot of time stubbornly believing that he would find a way back, that nothing would disappoint him or prevent from his goal. During this time his mind did not let a trace of doubt that Yunho would stop waiting for him or not be that enthusiastic to see him again. Changmin believed the other man would be there for him any time but hearing the confirmation that Yunho did the same for him on the other side filled his heart with overwhelming warmth… that was merging with unbearable anguish from Yunho’s current condition.

_“There was no one to see that he did not sleep, that he did not eat, that he did not rest. There was no one to remind him to do simple tasks to keep his heath in check. There was no one to take care of him, no one keen enough to see little changes and cracks in his façade, no one stubborn enough to make him do something even if he protests and tries to shove you away because when he sets his mind to a goal…”_

“He does not stop until he reaches it”

Changmin recalled these so familiar incidents from the past. He noticed this inhuman focus in Yunho just as when they met. Remembered all gentle smiles Yunho gifted him with after Changmin started to slip notes about food and medicine into his pocket – at first shyly but after gaining enough courage and trust nagging him as if there was no tomorrow.

_“The tour ended. He tried to combine the work at the agency and your searches but it only led to him falling ill more and more. The time passed, there was no new information on your case and as usually it goes in the people’s world – everyone started to move on. Everyone… except Yunho”_

Changmin tried to grasp his heart through the chest to stop its hectic rhythm.

They were the same in the end.

_“He did not believe that you were lost completely. The police stopped investigating your case and after realizing that he could not push them any further he decided to do the same thing you did… He went to search for you himself…” The Elder Beholder cast a glance at the pinned paper on the wall above Yunho’s head. “The world is cruel. Not all people were treating that matter with respect – some found and still find fun in sending Yunho the fake statements about seeing you or hearing about you. He knows that most of the messages are phony but he can’t let himself lose any possible lead to you. He checks them all… even if they lead to other countries”_

Changmin saw the scenery outside the window being illuminated by the first rays of the sun.

At this moment the phone buzzed and Yunho shifted on the bed to reach for it on the table. Upon seeing the calling ID he frowned a little and cleared his throat before lively answering the call.

“Hojun-hyung! Glad to hear you… again… we did not speak for – let me count – only 9 hours?”

Changmin hated it.

He hated it all – Yunho’s fake smile, Yunho’s eyes without usual sparkle, Yunho’s attempt to behave as if he were happy and healthy and strong.

Apparently Hojun-hyung hated it too because he made Yunho to switch to the video call.

“Yunho-ya, you know I have to check on you in the mornings?”

“I am not a child” no usual pout while saying this – only plain fatigue.

“We made a promise”

“Yeah yeah… I am all right, see? Alive and sober”

“I am glad to know… So… How was yesterday?”

Suddenly the whole weight of the world crept on Yunho’s shoulders and he slid down along the board on the pillow.

“Just as perfect as all yesterdays before”

“Yunho…”

“It was a dead end… again” covering eyes muttered Yunho.

“… I am sorry”

“You have nothing to apologize for, hyung”

The silence (or rather the coming new waves of coughing as Changmin noticed) made Yunho sit up again.

“How are you?”

“I am ok…”

“Yunho-ya… Changmin would want…”

“Don’t! Just don’t’!” the sudden force in his words draw some light back to Yunho’s eyes. “I know what he will say and do”

“You still use the future tense”

“Because he is alive and I will find him”

“Yunho… even the police couldn’t say anything for sure…”

“I know that he is alive”

“How?”

“I just… know… feel it… Look… I… am holding on… really”

The truth of the statement was as light as the air.

“You have to return back home for some time. The others are asking after you and I am sure they will be able to cheer you up and distract a little…”

“I do not need distracting – I have to stay focused!”

“…”

“Sorry, hyung… I will… think about it. Maybe you are right and I will visit for a while”

Changmin felt dead… just as Yunho throwing the promises that he was never going to fulfill.

“Good to hear” not like Hojun believed those words too. “I have to go now... Yunho-ya, be careful and remember that we will be here to help you anytime”

“Yeah” smiled Yunho ending the call.

“No one can help me in this” whispered Yunho dropping his bravado and putting the phone away. He got up from the bed and went to the bathroom rocking the air with coughs he suppressed for so long.

“He is living like this all these years?”

_“Yes. Your disappearance… broke him. The searches for you… are going to finish him soon”_

“How much does he have?”

_“Several months”_

Changmin could not believe this was happening to them. This was not the end he envisioned – at least not for Yunho.

_“We never thought that you would learn the truth… But maybe it is better in the end”_

“What do you mean?”

_“We had to fix the sideways you invoked being separated from each other. Our mission was to remove you from affecting that dimension and let Yunho die here from this illness. By his actions Yunho strayed from his original destiny and his continuous search for you affected the destinies of others… changing them too…”_

The Elder paused.

_“In truth, it is in my power to bring you back to him, Changmin”_

“What? You can? Why didn’t you do that right away? When I just got there?”

_“We already explained this – we cannot interfere in the flow of the universe and your transfer to another reality was the first occurrence in the history. In the beginning we let you be… until everything went out of control”_

“Why do you tell me you can do that now then?” 

_“Yunho does not have much time left… and if I bring you back you will have several months together…”_

Changmin was stunned to say the least – to be able to finally hug Yunho and to take care of him. To hear his voice. That sounded too surreal at the moment though he was just right behind the wall… and there had to be a reason for it.

“Why do I feel like there is again a BUT?”

_“It goes with a price”_

“What price?”

The Elder Beholder hesitated for some time. It seemed the next words were hard for him to pronounce… or rather would be hard for Changmin to accept.

_“I need a strong source of energy to accomplish that… And there is only one thing powerful enough to do that – a soul”_

“A soul? Wait… You mean… my soul?”

_“Both of you. I will use all your soul power for this to be a success – creating a bridge between you two. But this… will take its toll on you in the end and your souls will disappear after you die… forever””_

Changmin stayed motionless.

The question of the soul was not that distant for him. After all these years he learned that the soul or the energy within you was not just fairytales and market ways to sell the fantasy films. It was real. The soul that supported the body. The soul that supported your mind. The soul that brought him to Yunho. The soul that would connect him to Yunho even in the next lives…

Only there would not be any more if he chose to see Yunho again now.

_“There is another option, Changmin”_

“Another… option?”

_“You are already becoming a memory in this world and we can’t change that… but Yunho is still here… he was meant to accomplish a lot… but his illness cuts all the possibilities”_

“You… can cure him?”

_“Yes… and the price is a little bit less though still high. I will have to use only your soul energy to restore Yunho’s health. I will cure him and his soul will live further but you… you will die right away and your soul will disappear forever”_

The sun was almost reaching the crumpled bed in the corner. Yunho returned from the bathroom only to shut the curtains and block the light from disturbing his countless nap – that would not help him to find any rest… not today… not tomorrow.

‘Forever… if I choose to go to Yunho… he will die in the end… to have several months of… what?...  It will not be a bliss knowing what awaits him… and then me… I will end our soul circles… I will end his soul without him even knowing and agreeing with it… Ending all his potential just out of my selfish desire to be with him again for several months? He still has so much to do… all his plans and dreams. His soul is too bright to stop its way right now. My path detoured too far from him already... Is it the punishment? For my desire to have him to myself? And not to share about what I love so much?... No… I can’t do that… I can’t take away from him what he deserves. His soul is not mine to decide… but at least there is still something only I may give…’

_“Changmin, what is your decision?”_

“Promise me that you will cure him”

_“I promise”_

Changmin walked to Yunho lying on the bed and traced his face with his fingers. Yunho did not move but his features relaxed a little.

“He will manage after that… he would feel… that I am not there anymore and stop… he would start taking care of himself because that is what I would tell him if I were here…”

_“Changmin?”_

“I choose the cure… What do I need to do?”

_“Just come here and stretch your hand”_

Changmin threw the last glance at the sleeping man and moved to the Elder. The latter hesitated for a moment before raising his hand.

_“Are you sure you want your soul to disappear just like that?”_

“I am… because… what is the use of it if I can’t help the person I love the most?”

The Elder glanced around the room lingering his gaze at Yunho and then at Changmin’s outstretched arm.

_“The power of souls… you can never underestimate it… especially if it is the soul of two…”_

Changmin did not catch the last words because as soon as the foggy arm touched his – he fell into darkness.


	11. I am sure! (with an Epilogue)

Changmin was staring at the sign of the emergency stairs. All elevators were busy for some time already which was quite usual for the time before the photoshoot.

“Are you all right, Changmin-san?” a sudden voice made him turn abruptly that resulted into a sudden yell of that sudden voice and a sudden falling sound of the bag.

“I am so sorry!” Changmin was quick to collect the bag… and froze.

‘Huh? What is this? A dream again? But…’ the memories of the illusions, coughing Yunho and the deal with the Elder Beholder flashed through his mind. ‘Didn’t I die? Completely? How can I dream about this again?’

“Changmin-san?” the girl leaned down and took the bag out of Changmin’s static hands. “Thank you! I did not mean to startle you”

‘Huh? Huh? What is happening? The dreams were always the same… there were never any changes in the words or actions… What…’

“Changmin-san, are you really all right? Should I call someone?”

That seemed to reboot Changmin’s brain finally – he had to answer at least something, even if it was a dream right? He could not look stupid even if it was a dream right?

“No worries! Really! I was… was… just spacing out. Right… Thank you, Miya-san! ”

That in turn seemed to freeze the girl’s brain and she got a little pink on the cheeks.

“Umm… wow… I mean… I am a newbie but you already know my name… Tohoshinki are really amazing… Sorry…”

This almost made Changmin bang his head on the floor because he needed to check it.

He had to find a mirror or any reflection surface to check…

His eyes caught the bright polished elevator doors and… himself in it. Short hair. Short hair that Yunho loved so much that one day Changmin thought that his hyung could possibly…

‘Can’t be…’

“Changmin-san… I hope your photoshoot will be a success. Let’s work hard”

“Yes… right! Please take care of us. Let’s work hard”

The girl bowed and went to the setting.

All staff was running back and forth trying to last-minute prepare the props and settings that usually left precious minutes for private time which could be used wisely – for example reading a book. A book that he perfectly left at the van. The van that was at the parking lot. Downstairs.

 “Changmin-san, I think you will have to take the stairs if you want to go to your car” uttered apologetically one of the props staff passing by Changmin with a box of glasses.

‘A book. Elevators. Stairs. Light… Like hell he would take stairs ever again!’ stumbled back Changmin still trying to process the surroundings.

‘Did I black out?’

“OUCH!!!” shouted he after pinching the skin on his arm and almost screamed again when he saw the familiar scar… a little scar he got after his first months of training with Kol-Alo.

‘Not a dream… not a black out… it is… real… Yunho!’

Changmin rushed back to the set frightening half of the staff with his speed… but mostly eyes. He scanned the place for any traces of so much-loved and familiar little mess or any sound of the glittering laugh.

‘Yunho. Yunho. Yunho. Yunho. Yunho. Yunho. Yunho. Yunho…’

“Changmin, are you back already?”

Changmin stopped.

“What a speed to retrieve your own things…”

Changmin turned.

“If only you did the same for me with the same speed… and without nagging hahaha”

Changmin looked.

“Umm… No need to stare at me like this. I remember… hyung remembers – my things are my things, your things are your things… Changdollah?”

Changmin malfunctioned.

Yunho was sitting at the table with the other staff and evidently already went through the script and concepts of the photoshoot. He was… just as Changmin remembered him in his every dream.

Eyes with sunshine, features with light, words with warmth…

Yunho.

Changmin would never confess – but in his deepest and most hidden part of the mind he would sometimes imagine their reunion during the nights on the farthest planets. He went through every scenario possible.

During the first months of disappearing – he thought about taking the whole matter lightly and starting with a joke (Hyung, the star was on a star!).

Several months later after continuous failed attempts to return – he thought about budging into the room and shout something like ‘Did you even search for me?’

Several months later after some heavy drinking nights – he thought that after returning he would kidnap Yunho and they would spend the rest of their lives at a place where no one knew them (Hyung, life it too short).

Several months later after uncounted hours of tears – he thought he would make Yunho sit down and for several days he would make him listen to all he felt for him and regretted not telling him.

Several months later… he just wanted to see Yunho smiling at him again.

Several months later… … … he just wanted to catch a glimpse of Yunho to know that he was all right and healthy.

Now.

Now Changmin was feeling too much to articulate syllables properly or do anything at all.

‘Can a person feel so much… relief and happiness and warmth and bliss and love at once?’

“Changmin-san, if you are already here I think we may start the meeting before proceeding with the photoshoot?”

He took his eyes off Yunho with inhuman effort only to collide with the confused looks from the staff around.  

“Umm… yes… please start”

Changmin felt his body dropping in the chair.

He tried to focus on the papers that were being handed to him simultaneously hiding his trembling fingers under the table. A second more and he was sure the most embarrassing panic attack would hit him like a train.

‘I need to breathe. Just breathe…’

Suddenly he felt a chair from the left side (GOD… such a familiar and loved-to-a-heartache LEFT side) moved a bit closer to him.

A hand covering the back of his chair – bringing protection and asking if everything was all right all at the same time…

Changmin leaned back and for the first time in three years his body finally relaxed.

Noticing this change in Changmin Yunho nudged him a little but did not remove his hand.

A language only they understood.

And still being able to speak it – Changmin felt home and complete again.

 

“So, Yunho-san, Changmin-san, please accept our gratitude for working with Vogue Japan again!” The PD started excitedly as ever. “This photoshoot will include several parts – at first you will have solo shots. We prepared the drinks for you to pose with. You can choose the ones you like after this meeting. The second part will include your duo photoshoot. We thought about the themes – the styling is rather classy… so maybe we will go with the high-class feeling?”

“We may… Yes, I agree” answered Yunho jumping back to the professional mode.

“Great! Also it would be good to show your close relationship after two years of separation… so you can say something about your vision of how you would love to express it… and… of course we have some ideas already… like the most popular concept during the last years…”

The PD stumbled nervously with the next words and the whole room was filled with sudden tension.

“You suggest our beloved concept of Deep Bromance?” chuckled Yunho clearing the air right away.

The staff giggled a bit but the PD was still trying to carefully choose his words throwing glances at Changmin. All staff knew exactly what kind of reaction it had usually brought upon them but Changmin seemed too lost in thought to argue with them right away.

Several seconds of struggle with himself, several seconds of debating over his life and death and the main photographer took a risk to push further.

“Well… we saw your press-conference and you emphasized your wish to show and open up a bit more about your bond… Changmin-san said that he would love to participate more and we… well… we thought… that maybe we can add some shots that would disclose it a bit… but of course we will discuss all ideas before we…”

“What shots you want to add?” asked Changmin.

The room turned arctic once again.

“Well… you know… the usual close head shots and embraces to show your strengthened bond…”

The way the photographer was talking reminded of walking through a minefield with a blindfold.  But when he saw that Changmin did not even lift a brow or narrow his eyes he took a bolder stance.

The opportunities like this could not be wasted – especially with Tohoshinki. A motto in Japan.

“Umm… holding the glasses and drinking together to show your shared goal and path…Oh! I just got an idea! Drinking from the same glass! To show your unity and being one and…”

“Well well well…here we can stop” while someone tried to fake-cough to cover the last words their Japanese manager moved to the photographer to calm him down. “The embraces are okay but one glass is too…”

“Ok”

“…”

The whole staff could bet their fortune but it was… Changmin. Shim Changmin, right? Who said this word… The group hallucinations were impossible in this weather… or not?

“Ok?” the manager’s high-pitched question flew through the air.

“Ok”

The simultaneous exhale of the whole room could have pumped up a tire or two.

“Changminah, are you sure?” Yunho was looking in his eyes, searching the answers Changmin could never say out loud. His hand brushed against Changmin’s back again – as if also checking the reality.

The point was… It WAS the reality.

And Changmin felt his mind catching up on the events and emotions that were bottled up for far too long. He felt falling back into the routine he knew so well and loved too much now – after all years of running and searching.

For the first time in a long time he arrested the logic and followed the heart.

“Yes, I am sure. I like this idea”

“You… like… really?”

Yunho’s mumbling brought the smile to Changmin’s lips. He still could read him as an open book – an overexcited puppy who could not believe the drop of caution in Changmin’s armor, was too happy for the opportunities of skinship to come, was likely to write this day down in his diary to tease him to the end of the times but still was ready to offer a way for Changmin to go back on his words if he felt pressured.

‘Only Yunho…’ could your heart be any fuller?

Changmin turned so that Yunho faced him fully and tried to convey what he felt at that moment with his words and eyes.

“I mean it is a good time… to show ourselves… the realness of our bond… I want to show people how we love each other just… the way we love each other. We have been working and living together for a long time and the relationship we have already surpassed anything that has a definite description in the vocabulary. We can’t make up new words… and the words still will never describe how deep our bond is. So I think we can start showing it little by little, Yunho”

‘I know you’ll understand me, hyung’

He did.

The meeting room was a mess. The PDs and the photographers were scribbling in their notes, putting urgent stickers to the boards and making urgent calls.

“Changmin-san, that is so perfect! We will put this in the interview section! Such a touching description! We will start with your duo shots and we will call it… umm…. A New Beginning…”

“Maybe… A Renaissance of the Heart? Because we finally start for the last time. Our last beginning… where our connected hearts finally revived again…” said Changmin never breaking the eye contact with Yunho.

Yunho blinked, blindly reaching for Changmin’s hand under the table. The moment Changmin felt their skin touching he quickly interlocked their fingers in a death grip.

Praying and thanking all existing powers for him being able to take this second chance.

To be back.

To be with Yunho.

 “A Renaissance of the Heart?” the PD jumped from his chair gathering the papers in a dazed state. “How poetic! Changmin-san, you write lyrics in music and life! This is so… fresh and classy and… the concept! The concept will be unbeatable! We have to prepare more props! I will go to check them myself! Take your time now for changing and the make-up and we will start!”

And flipping all around the staff started to recheck the last details.

 

Minutes later – after Changmin and Yunho went through the sessions of costume fitting and make-up – they were standing in the center of the set waiting for the lightning to be completed. The staff was rushing back and forth and for several minutes no one paid any attention to them.

“Changminah, are you really ok?”

Changmin smiled and came closer to Yunho.

“Yes, hyung”

“I know we discussed it and you said you wanted to open up a little but… this is not ‘a little’. And I am afraid you will be uncomfortable…”

Changmin stopped Yunho by putting the hand on his shoulder.

“I am never uncomfortable with you… you know that, right?”

“Of course I know that”

“And I love you”

“Changminah!” squealed Yunho and looked around smiling nervously but catching Changmin’s dead serious stare stopped and turned serious himself.

“I know”

“And I can’t imagine living without you”

“I know, Minah… I feel the same” Yunho reached Changmin’s hand and held it tight. “What happened? I noticed you are…”

“Not myself?”

The words sounded harsher than he intended – but most of this harshness was directed at himself rather than Yunho.

And Yunho understood. He always understood.

“You are yourself… but you do not show this – us – often to others. Not this part”

“Hmmm” muttered Changmin memorizing the perfect fit of their hands.

“And you know I understand it – so if you want to change the concept today…”

“Maybe…”

“…”

Yunho got that too – the hidden meaning behind the obvious word – and waited for Changmin to speak again.

Changmin caressed Yunho’s hand and started to straighten his jacket. The routine he missed and cherished.

“Maybe tomorrow… or a month later I will fight again for keeping us only to ourselves … But not today… I can’t waste today… Today I want to show them how much I love you and how real we are… just the way we are… just us” he looked into Yunho’s eyes again.

“You talk so emotionally today… as if you did not see me for days” smiled Yunho.

“Too many days” whispered Changmin.

“What?”

Changmin shook his head.

He would not think about that today. He would not try to understand how he got back when he should have been dead. He would not think about the fear of not seeing Yunho again when his other half was here. He would not waste time on going through all WHAT IFs when he had his life back, his home back, his Yunho back.

“Nothing, hyung. I am just… happy to be with you… always. Am I being difficult today?”

“You are never difficult, Changminah. With you… right now… I feel that everything is easy”

It was also back – the smile of his life that made everything complete and whole.

“Yunho-san, Changmin-san, we are starting in one minute. Do you need anything?”

Changmin let go of Yunho’s hand and before his hyung could protest embraced him from behind locking his palms on Yunho’s chest.

“Only each other”

 

 

*

 

 

_Epilogue._

The Elder was moving the foggy hands in circles that brought the motion to the silver pieces on the ground.

After some time the pieces merged into a sphere again and the Elder passed it to the other Beholder who appeared smaller in height – almost a child.

“The Elder?”

“Yes”

“Why did you lie?”

The Elder shifted to the edge of the platform to look at the stars.

 “When?”

“There is no such thing as a Stone of Soul”

“There is not…”

The younger Beholder joined the Elder looking puzzled while spinning the sphere.

“And the soul? It cannot be sacrificed… Even you do not have the power to destroy it”

“I do not… but souls still have an ability to undergo a sacrifice”

“What do you mean?”

“A soul leads a person through its life. If you are attentive enough to see or feel it – it may save you by showing a light from within… it may guide you to find something you lost… With time the soul can give you strength… to make a choice – not the one that is easy but the one that is true to yourself. And sometimes… two souls can find each other, mark each other as their own and start shining as one… and this is the power that even the Beholders cannot belittle because the soul of two becomes one”

“But if they were that one… why did you test him so much?”

“Because even if the souls find each other – people can be blind and weak… and they make their souls fade by staying away and hurting each other. It is truly a gift to be one in body and soul – to recognize, to accept, to stay, to fight but mostly… to be ready to sacrifice for each other”

“That is why you decided to break the rules and interfere? and even to turn back time for them?”

The Elder turned his gaze to a particular cluster of stars as if something caught his attention.

“This was our mistake in the end… And if they were able to go through all this and make those choices… they deserve their time back. Just as destined … just as fated”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was quite a journey and i do not regret dedicating half of my vacation to this story. this au totally had my heart and i am so grateful to be able to let it out.
> 
> thanks to all who stayed till the end but especially Marina who supported me though my updates were late and whining strong. THANK YOU!!!
> 
> /trying myself in writing is for sure the best thing happened to me this year. i never thought it could bring so much fun and satisfaction/
> 
> p.s. comments are love ^^^^^^


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